How to find a mate in America

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Find a couple in America, as in any other country of the world, is not easy. Especially if you have 30, or even 40, you have experienced a painful divorce or at least a painful separation from your partner in a telephone mode.

There are no guarantees that this will not happen again. Recovery will take time - psychologists have calculated: at least half the duration of the previous relationship.

Our friends, Marsha and Walter, have never been a couple. They have been best friends for many years now. Their life cycles coincide to impossibility. For example,a year and a half ago, Walter’s wife left him and Marsha became wary. And not in vain - a few days later her regular partner wrote her an SMS saying that he wanted more personal freedom, and she, Marsha, occupied all his space.

So Marsha and Walter found themselves “on the market” again—not looking for new partners, but open to offers.

Since then, both have brought dozens of stories about funny, weird, ridiculous and unexpected dates, of which they have become part of lately.

Marsha is a Democratic Party activist and a producer for a large international television corporation. She has no time to go to bars and meet drinking regulars there - she easily finds a “califa for an hour” on numerous dating sites. Marsha came to visit and brought with her part of her online correspondence with a man named Double U.

— How is the world of television?

— The leader of the free world does not let you get bored. What's good in your world?

“I work for this very leader of the free world, so you can imagine how busy I am.”

- And what are you doing for him?

— I was part of the (election) campaign. Now I have a position in the administration.

- Purely out of curiosity: as part of the campaign (representative in North Carolina, as I understand it?) you colluded with the Russians? And later, as a representative of the White House transportation department, did you or your staff organize free trips for (Russian Ambassador to the United States) Kislyaka?

We all laughed together - Walter, me, Marsha, two of our friends and my former colleague Kevin. I knew him since April 2014, when Ukrainian journalists lived openly in Donetsk, and militants had just occupied Slavyansk and Kramatorsk. Kevin at that time worked in the East of Ukraine for several American publications; 3 years after we met, he, like me, landed in Washington and now works as a press secretary for one of the many non-governmental organizations. He, in my opinion, was an ideal match for Marsha - both had journalistic experience, work in hot spots in the Middle East and a good sense of humor. In a word, they left together. Kevin walked Marsha home and asked if he could cook her dinner. It all started with him.

Marsha and Kevin agreed to cook evenings on Marshina Territory on 8. Marsha came to be pretty hungry and decided to take care not to meet a potential cavalier to the accompaniment of a rumbling stomach: she quickly threw frozen dim sum with pork into the pan. Kevin, armed with a grocery bag, knocked on the door half an hour earlier.

Smelling the smell of food, he immediately said: oh, a great surprise! The supper is ready! I think it’s bad to overeat at night, your dim sum will be enough for us, and I’ll take these products with me.

Nobody expected such an attack of greed on the first date. When Marsha and I stopped laughing, she decided that she would give him another chance - maybe the man was embarrassed. Besides, they both liked to chat about past military achievements.

A few days later, Kevin invited Marsha to dinner at a restaurant - there were no free tables, it was raining outside, and she obediently sat down at the bar. Marsha ordered a salad and a glass of wine. Kevin - paella, steak and fried artichokes. Then he asked if he could try Marsha’s salad. Before she had time to nod, he had eaten most of the bowl. At the same time, with his other hand he tried to explore the geography of Marsha’s shoulders and back. It was counting time, and Kevin asked if Masha would mind splitting it in half. She could not bear such insolence: she did not mind paying for herself, but obviously not for food eaten without her participation. Therefore, without a twinge of conscience, I called a taxi, leaving money for half of my salad and a glass of wine. Kevin didn't call her anymore.

He called me to complain about Marsha and his evil fate.

Walter met his new “love” on a dating site - she made him a first date in his own area and started talking about faith and salvation. Walter had nothing against salvation, but only if his personal fate was entrusted to his new passion. After 2 hours it turned out that she was the future pastor of the Protestant church. Walter said that despite the obligatory prayer before dinner, he had the best sex of his life afterwards. Everything stopped at sex - in the morning the pastor announced that she wanted an engagement by mid-summer.

The next one was a Turkish woman - thin and sonorous, with a charming accent and black, very black eyes. She was a former student of Walter, an economics professor at the University of Maryland. They dated for several months, the Turkish woman talked about love and looking for work, and then innocently invited wealthy Walter to marry her for 10 thousand: she was facing deportation. Walter was upset: if she had not talked about love, but honestly spoken about problems with documents, it would have been a completely different story.

Marsha called in the morning - it was raining outside, the house was damp and I didn’t want to wake up. Marsha said it had been raining since last night. And that when the rain just started, she accidentally bumped into Kevin at one of the book presentations - he offered her a ride. It was cold in the car, she asked Kevin to turn on the heat, but instead he began to fervently rub Marsha’s shoulder.

Walter decided to turn to a professional matchmaker: the cost of her services starts from 5 thousand dollars. For this money - 3 ideal candidates with an impeccable biography and education. Marsha laughed and said that for half the money she would introduce Walter to the entire newsroom - the girls were a natural choice.

I said that for a quarter of this amount I will arrange a blind date for each of them and everyone will be happy.

They stared at me together with the same question in their eyes: are you going to send us on a date with each other? I nodded meekly. These two began to meet without my maternal blessing and without the fee promised to me.

After the third date, Marsha wrote that the best and at the same time the most risky alliance is a relationship with her best friend. I thought she was right and definitely didn’t mean me.

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