Former FBI Agent Reveals XNUMX Communication Secrets That Will Help You in Everyday Life 

For six years, Polina Marinov-Pompliano has studied the habits and mindsets of some of the most influential and successful people in the world. She spoke with a former FBI agent, and he spoke about three principles that people with high emotional intelligence always use when talking to others. She shared her findings with the publication CNBC.

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In her book Hidden Genius, Marinov-Pompliano singled out one person in particular: Chris Voss. A key skill he learned in his 24 years as one of the FBI's top international negotiators was emotional intelligence. The secret, according to Voss, is being able to listen and read people.

For example, in 1993, two men took hostage three employees of the Chase Manhattan Bank in Brooklyn, New York. Voss acted as a telephone negotiator with one of those robbers.

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To resolve the conflict, he applied three rules that, according to him, people with high emotional intelligence use when communicating with others, especially during sensitive conversations.

1. Speak soothingly

In 1993 negotiations, Voss used what he called "the voice of The Late Night FM DJ": a declarative, soothing, and lowering voice that can be used in almost any situation.

This tone of voice triggers a neurochemical reaction that calms the mind of your interlocutor. This then creates an involuntary response of mental clarity on both sides.

“Genuine curiosity is a form of emotional control,” he said in a 2018 podcast interview. “If you speak out loud in a calm, calming voice, you calm yourself.”

2. Repeat statements like questions

Mirroring is an effective technique for creating goodwill and gathering information. By repeating a few keywords that your counterpart uses, you mirror him.

For example, if a bank robber says, "I had a really hard day because of the stress I'm under," answer, "Stress you're under?"

This allows you to focus on the situation and remain emotionally sober, which provokes the burglar to keep talking.

3. Name the other person's emotions

Voss then told the second bank robber, "It wasn't your fault, was it? You're sorry that this happened, right?" Both of these questions hint that the burglar just got into trouble.

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Labeling is used to verbally identify and indicate the emotions of your interlocutor. A good label would be: "You seem to be in a stressful situation" or "You seem to be unhappy with how things turned out."

High Emotional Intelligence Requires Strategic Listening

Voss managed to get the robbers to surrender and free the hostages, because he did what most of us probably wouldn't do in the midst of a heated conflict: He listened.

But his negotiating tools can be used in any life situation. If you master the art of listening, you can use your emotional intelligence to successfully defuse conflict with a colleague, spouse, and even a teenager.

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