Dog life

Фото: Depositphotos

ForumDaily publishes a story by journalist and writer Natalya Slavina from the book “Blues, Daisies, Oranges.”

Our friends from Brighton decided to move from a small house to an apartment building. They are tired that when the ocean spills, their furniture with children and fur coats floats on the waves, that it is cold in winter and you have to steal gas, that cardboard walls and you can’t properly quarrel that the hostess from Odessa above aunt Raya became a member of the family and found out About pregnancy tenant before husband and mother. In short, they decided, as they say in the States, to move.

And to move into an apartment building here is not easy. Because you must first prove that you are pure in heart and thoughts, that you have stunning and endless incomes, that you are ready to support the families of concierge Peter, three Dominican cleaners for life and pay for a vacation in Hawaii real estate agent Leon Rubik.

That you have almost deaf children with great prospects to move to another state. And that you do not have and never will have any little animals - neither dogs, nor fish, nor hand spiders. In order not to disrupt the quiet life of neighbors, rushing immediately to the court during the first howls behind the wall and a sudden allergy to feathers. And pay them the treatment in advance!

And when new tenants publicly express their willingness to carry all these doomings and burdens on their fragile shoulders, a commission of building managers and activists like a house meets and allows you to become an honorary member of this housing sect. With the obligatory condition to honor and comply with the requirements printed on 27 long sheets.

But it so happened that by the time of the move, our Brighton friends already had a dog, Motya, acquired by overworking even when forced to cohabit with an Odessanian Paradise. Motya by all the rules was registered in the New York special department, which always has to do with all the little dogs. She was even given a special badge for an official resident of New York, for which human parents annually unfastened the department a decent amount. Because the department, too, must somehow survive in this eternal embrace of capitalism.

And together with the children and the belongings, Motya, hidden in her backpack, under the cover of the night, moved into the apartment building. What was an obvious crime. Since her human parents have signed a contract in blood, having assured the house that they have no dogs and never will. And Motya had a peculiar feature for the citizens - not only to love apartment buildings, but also to walk twice a day.

Since childhood, she had learned the ocean breeze and, considering it a humiliation to relieve herself in a diaper, she demanded to open the front door. Motya was again shoved into a backpack and with a straight face went past Peter's concierge and curious neighbors. And let out on the beach called Brighton Beach. Meanwhile, an American grandmother lived on the floor below Moti. It was a different kind of grandmother than Aunt Raya. The kind of grandmothers born in the USA wanted to spit on the neighbors' pregnancy and any other bright and even sad moments of their lives. But he religiously observes the law.

On such grandmothers, the grandmothers themselves believe, America is holding on. And if the paper waste was thrown into the usual waste bin, or if the child cries for the third time in a day, or if someone yaps behind the wall, the grandmothers, fulfilling civic duty, rush to the police and knock there on the neighbors, until everything is thoroughly recorded . Then they come back and they smile at you sweetly, because now the life of the country, and therefore your life, will become more correct and effective. In general, grandmothers knocking at each other, in fact, are the very civil society that we passionately dream of in the face of difficult exacerbations of patriotism.

And so the old woman sounded Motya. And the active parents came to the dog's parents with a demand to evict the illegal tenant to the devils. Motin relatives cried and tore their hair, appealed to the humanity and cordiality of the house committee. But he was unmoved. He was shaking in front of malicious violators with long papers, on which those few months ago had admitted dislike for little dogs.

Motina fate cowardly pressed her ears and shivered shallowly from fear. At that time, lawyers, known for their sharp mind and age-old traditions, were called to help. Lawyers will ruin this country, often spoken in America. Maybe yes. But then they will save the little dogs.

The lawyers listened to their parents, turned Motya in their hands, counted human children and the promised bonuses, and then devilishly laughed loudly. “Motya will stay in this apartment forever, and he will walk her twice a day in person,” they assured, straightened the tie knot, the glasses on the bridge of their nose and set to work.

The trial did not last long. The lawyers said that the dog came to this world not simply, but with a great mission - dogotherapy. This is when American doctors, which cost from 150 to 300 dollars per visit, strongly recommend having a doggie for nervous children living in the harsh conditions of the metropolis. In order to constantly manually stroke it, so that she devotedly looked into her eyes and licked her lovely nervous little faces with her rough tongue.

To exude good energy, and the children, having received the corresponding impulses in the brain and spinal cord, became calmer and their nervous diseases gradually left. Lawyers, like wounded eagles, circled theatrically around the courtroom, calling their wings to heaven, and looked like a mean lawyer's tear, iridescent with crystal glitter under energy-saving lamps. Then they again acquired a businesslike look and categorically added: besides, this dog has lived in the house for more than three months. And if someone has lived somewhere longer than one quarter, even if illegally, then he has become accustomed and it is impossible to injure him with a move. So, your honor? I finished and answer your questions.

So Motya remained to live in an apartment building. The house received a corresponding piece of paper, certified by the legal department. The American grandmother was satisfied with the fact that because of her the whole trial took place. The lawyer bought Prada sunglasses and went to the Bahamas with his friend. And dog parents, left without a summer vacation and a new mother's fur coat, castrated Motya. Because, having obtained the rights, she began to behave indecently and by all means demand a man into the house.

By the way, after castration, the annual contribution to the department that tracks the lives of New York animals has decreased significantly. Apparently, according to the authorities, Motya began to constitute a dead-end branch of development. And nobody expected sexual harassment from her. And she couldn’t produce more small little dogs that would ruin the ecology of the ocean coast. And happy tears from intimacy with a man she will never know. And this is for Moti a personal tragedy.

And for the tragedy in America they always pay less than for happiness. So once the lawyers decided, and the court confirmed it.

Photo: Facebook / Natalia Slavina

Stories collected in the book "Blues, chamomile, oranges"-sad, touching, funny and philosophical at the same time. Natalya Slavina does not invent stories, but only masterfully shares with readers observations of herself, loved ones and those around her. Readers are attracted by her sincerity, self-irony, light style, and often unexpected endings—as happens in real life.

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