Why cruel jokes on the Internet have become a new trend

On the Internet, a new trend is gaining popularity, which has become known as clauding. This is a viral video in which bloggers cruelly poke fun at their lovers.

Фото: Depositphotos

Edition with the BBC figured out how to calculate the clautlitera and why people decide on such cruel jokes.

In recent months, more and more viral videos have begun to appear on the network, in which girls cry and experience an emotional breakdown due to a rally arranged by their partner. Such videos began to be called clauding.

The word “cloutlighting” itself comes from a combination of two terms: “gaslighting” and “clout.”

Gazlaiting (from the title of the American thriller Gaslight) is considered a form of psychological abuse when the victim is deliberately presented with false information. The goal is to make your partner doubt his own memories and his perception of events.

Klauth (English clout) is a colloquial expression denoting the degree of influence of a person, which can be measured in money, the number of subscribers on social networks and media publications.

Without going into too much detail, Cloutlighting is what happens when Gaslighting goes online. A person deliberately says or does something to upset his partner emotionally, films the incident on camera and posts it on the Internet to attract the attention of other users.

This could be some kind of action - most often pranks. Or maybe verbal pressure on a partner and an attempt to force a person to believe in something that does not exist.

In pursuit of "likes"

The term “cloutlighting” was coined by British journalist Jessica Lindsay in November of this year. In an article for the Metro newspaper, she commented on a video in which a girl had a real tantrum because her partner ate the last portion of ribs she had prepared for dinner, despite her request not to do so.

In the video, the girl is experiencing an emotional breakdown and explains that this is caused by a difficult day and the behavior of the young man, and not by food. “I’m not crying for the ribs, I’m crying for you,” she says, trying to call her mom for support.

“I felt uncomfortable watching the video,” Lindsay told the BBC. And, despite most of the comments that ridiculed the girl’s behavior, there were those who, like me, saw something unacceptable in this video.”

“As I thought about it, I realized that I had seen a lot of these viral videos before. All of them demonstrate toxic behavior of a partner, which no one condemns. These videos are clearly forming a real trend: cloutlighting,” she says.

Examples of clairting are varied.

In some cases, we are talking about physical violence - when a partner hurts another and films tears and hysterics on camera (we deliberately do not provide links to these videos so as not to advertise them).

However, in most cases this is emotional pressure - the partner mocks what is important to his other half.

Thus, one user scared his girlfriend that he was going to throw their child from the balcony (in fact, it was a doll), another “confessed” infidelity to his friend, filming her reaction on a hidden camera.

Zuckerberg is not to blame

Experts emphasize that cloutlighting is not just a prank. Social networks increase the degree of emotional pressure on the victim. Deeply emotional moments that you don't want to share even with family and friends are exposed to thousands of strangers.

Plus, the numerous sarcastic comments of users can make a clairting victim sacrifice his adequacy.

“Cloutlighting is an act that sows confusion in the mind of the victim and makes him think: Am I too impressionable, and maybe this is normal? Victims of cloutlighting are left with the feeling that they should laugh at something that is funny to thousands of other people but is not funny to them,” explains psychotherapist Toby Ingham.

At the same time, it is still not necessary to completely shift the responsibility for claisting on social networks.

“To say that social networks provoke people to such activity is the same as saying that the presence of an ax provokes murder. The ax was originally intended for someone else, but in principle it can kill you if your partner gets it,” says Olga Gulevich, a professor at the Faculty of Social Sciences at the Higher School of Economics.

Of course, there is a definite role for social networks, Andrei Mikhailiuk, director of research at Social Discovery Ventures, is sure. But she, in his opinion, is in fact insignificant.

“Social networks create a kind of dopamine beacon - users gain popularity and approval from other people through “likes.” However, such jokes and pranksters have always existed, they just did not have access to a mass audience, and Zuckerberg is clearly not to blame for the cloutlighting itself,” he says.

Wound of affection

Psychologists believe that the reasons why people decide to make such jokes may be different. But two main ones can be distinguished. The first and most important thing is a lack of understanding of the boundaries of another person.

“There is such a term as “attachment wound.” We are talking about episodes that include caustic comments and jokes that seem insignificant to one of the partners, but hurt the other so much that he then remembers them for years,” says family psychologist Marina Travkova.

The second possible motivation for cloutlighters is not knowing how to properly express their dissatisfaction and anger.

“Any relationship includes conflicts, and you need to learn to express these emotions correctly. People who find it difficult to say “this infuriates me, irritates me,” very often retreat into such harsh humor and sarcasm,” says Travkova.

The author of the term “cloutlighting” does not place emphasis on the gender of the victim and the cloutlighter.

She also stresses that victims can be not only partners, but also friends and relatives.

However, Lindsay admits that most of the creators of the most famous cloutlighting videos are men who “prank” their girlfriends.

“Of course, research needs to be done to understand why most of these videos are posted by men. But it’s safe to say that men are under less pressure to be emotionally thoughtful,” says Travkova.

“All these stereotypes that emotionality is a female sphere, and men are by nature more direct and rude, and fairy tales about Mars and Venus lead to the fact that boys in childhood are not taught to distinguish their own emotions or understand the emotions of others. And therefore, more often than women, they find themselves in a situation where they sincerely do not understand why making a cruel joke about a cat, menstruation, or cheating can be both unacceptable and not funny,” she argues.

A video called “Retribution for Cloutlighting” has already appeared on the Internet, where victims play cruel pranks on their partners in retaliation.

So if you do decide to make a cruel joke at someone's expense and post it on the Internet, you should expect to be fairly shown the door - and in a rather uncompromising manner.

Because - and this is worth thinking about - if a person is deeply upset about something, then, regardless of the reason, the last thing he needs at that moment is a video camera in his face.

If you are a victim of louting, then experts advise, first of all, to speak frankly with the offender.

“I would recommend telling your partner how you feel and explaining that they have crossed boundaries. Next, I would ask him to delete the content from the network and never post anything like that again,” says psychologist Jennifer Tur.

“If he refuses, then I would think about the prospects of this relationship and would definitely contact the administration of the social network with a request to remove the content as offensive - the victim of cloutlighting has every right to do this,” she says.

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