American Wedding: a gift in cryptocurrency and an invitation for the year

— Julia, what are you doing on the second weekend of June 2018?

- Um... I don't know.

- Don't plan anything, you're invited to the wedding.

It was March 2017, a week earlier my flatmate’s boyfriend proposed to her, they decided not to waste time and choose a date almost immediately. And although it was not clear to me why they would wait so long, by American standards they were obviously taking a risk, leaving only a little over a year for planning. The main reason, as it turned out, was the bride's dress.

Фото: Depositphotos

Say "YES!" To the dress

For a “proper” wedding in America, it is advised to start looking for a dress no later than 10 months before the ceremony - the concept for me, to be honest, is a little difficult - because during this time you can not only rethink the style of the dress, but also the desire to get married in general. You can’t go hunting for “that dress” without being properly armed. You need to know at least three basic things: style (princess, mermaid or A-line; lace: yes or no, open-closed shoulders; sequin mode: on or off), location of the ceremony and budget. From the experience of this search, I can say that the bride’s views on the ideal dress change with each new salon, but the budget of the mother who pays for the dresses does not. A normal budget in Washington (according to the brides surveyed) starts at $1500, there is no limit to it, but, according to statistics, on average, in the American capital they spend no more than $2000 on a dress. The thing to remember here is that choosing a dress is just the beginning. Then it is ordered, delivered and hemmed (two fittings). The closer to the wedding, the more expensive this service will be. My friend from New York paid $1000 for her dress and $500 for the hemming.

Why can’t you just buy a dress off a rack and not wait who knows how long for it to arrive? It is possible, and some brides do this when they are looking at the last moment, but this is not considered an ideal option: like, it’s unclear how many brides in that outfit were sweating in front of you, trying them on.

In the case of my neighbor, she found “that same” dress on the third day of her search, in the third salon on the day when we (the jury) had already lost all hope that she would choose anything. And the groom - he bought his suit at a wholesale store, receiving the outfit as a gift as part of a promotion: his groomsmen bought four suits and they received the fifth as a gift. The entire hike, including the road and a short snack, took less than two hours.

Location, location, location

Of course, you shouldn’t choose a dress without knowing the location of the wedding itself. And this is another reason why Americans plan the “right” wedding in advance - the ideal location can be booked months and even years in advance. My neighbor knew where she wanted to get married even before her beloved appeared on the horizon, so she booked the date right away. Location - a farm in the mountains of North Carolina - the bride's “happy place”. And although most of the guests had to get there by plane and car, more than a hundred invitees arrived.

Фото: Depositphotos

One click gift

My neighbor decided to send the wedding invitation by mail, although now many couples simply choose an email with a link to a website where you can agree or refuse to come to the wedding. On the paper invitation, this couple, however, had a website address where they could respond and, most importantly, review the list of desired gifts with a direct link to websites where they could be ordered. You click, choose, pay - and the gift is automatically sent to the couple’s apartment and crossed off the list. Another option is to add money to your honeymoon fund—as much as you like. By the way, on my other friend’s wedding website there were only two options: a cash contribution in dollars and a gift in cryptocurrency (bitcoins and others). One way or another, at the wedding itself: no envelopes, ten sets of unnecessary bed linen and terrible glasses with poppies. Only what the couple really needs. By the way, no one brings flowers to weddings. The only not very convenient moment for me personally, as the bride’s neighbor, was that gifts started arriving at our apartment 5 months before the wedding, so the house turned into a mini-warehouse.

Do not strip the only

If your idea of ​​a bachelorette party in America matches mine, then I want to disappoint you: I was the most naked person at that party. The bride forbade her groomsmen to order a stripper (and I really wanted to see what they looked like in the Carolina Mountains), and they and I understood the theme of the party - “crazy 90s” - differently. The bride came in a boyish denim overalls and ponytails, and I came in a short jumpsuit skirt and large zipper earrings. “You Europeans had a great 90s,” was the only way the girls commented on my outfit. In the end, I found this bachelorette party to be much more interesting than what I had imagined. The girls shared cool memories they shared with the bride, looked through old photos, took a bunch of new ones - on Polaroid, played a “love quiz” and ate junk food. And when a strong man with a mustache and five pizzas in his hands knocked on the door, another non-American bridesmaid, a girl from India, exclaimed with delight: “Well, finally, a stripper,” and was very upset when everyone, having laughed, finally convinced her, that he only delivers food. The bachelor party, as it turned out, ended at 8 pm. The guys played golf, went to the mountains, had a steak dinner and went to bed. And this is not an isolated case. Another friend of mine told me that his bachelor party began with a two-hour group exercise in a rocking chair and ended with a poker game at the groom's father's house.

Фото: Depositphotos

Dangerous word "Wedding Party"

I understood one thing for sure: if you are part of the so-called “Wedding Party” (wedding retinue) - this means that for all four days (that’s how long the wedding lasted) you will only change dresses, eat, drink and polish the “smol current” ( empty talk), and the ceremony itself will seem like just a 30-minute drop in a sea of ​​wedding events. The bridal shower, the bridesmaids lunch, the wedding rehearsal, the rehearsal dinner, the wedding breakfast and finally the ceremony. Something new for me: at a dinner for girlfriends, everyone gives the bride gifts, compliments and photos. At the rehearsal dinner, only the closest relatives and friends gather, parents and siblings make toasts. And to be honest, this was my favorite part of the wedding. The toast from the father of the bride was very touching, and I finally got into the spirit of the wedding, having cried for months to come.

Mosquitoes love

I drew several conclusions from the ceremony. First: I say a clear “no” to painting in the field. Firstly: mosquitoes, secondly mosquitoes. The air that evening was filled not only with love, but also with the alcoholic smell of mosquito spray - thanks to the diligence of the bride's aunt. And besides: it was beautiful. The female host combined the traditions of the two religions of the bride and groom, and before declaring them spouses, she read a deep poem by a Lebanese philosopher about “melting in love,” which I immediately Googled and saved for the future. It seems like the most important part of the ceremony here - the marriage promises - which brought me to tears for the second time, especially when the groom paused after each line to fight back tears. Guys and girls, it was wonderful.

With and without dancing

While the newlyweds were taking pictures with their parents and local ponies against the backdrop of the mountains, the guests were already being poured the first glasses of sangria and local beer, for which the neighboring town of Asheville is famous. By the way, these drinks quickly ran out, and the guests, without waiting for the couple, began to drink wine. At this wedding, guests were offered a buffet - the guests, according to the table number, took turns approaching the place with food: meat or fish to choose from, three side dishes, and later - cake and pastries. The tables weren't crowded with food, but no one had to drink anything. At the wedding, the bride's brother's band first played, and later a DJ, who set the rhythm of the party. Minimum words, no games, dancing. The hit of the party was a macarena with the participation of half of the guests and some unknown dance to a hip-hop song from the 90s, which all invited Americans under the age of 40 knew. At 10 pm it was all over - in the mountains after this time you can’t make noise. And although the friends were throwing an after-party (party after the party), the newlyweds went to bed to the applause of the guests and the hissing of sparklers. And the smell of burnt fires reminded me of the New Year, I wanted tangerines and Olivier.

The bride’s parents (who, in fact, both paid and organized the wedding) did not tell us how much this particular wedding cost. On average, the cost of a wedding in Washington is $36. However, many couples I know personally forego large celebrations and get married quietly with their closest loved ones - with a beautiful ceremony on the beach in California or on the shores of Chesapeake Bay. A concept that, in my opinion, perfectly combines two opposing things - romance and rationality.

The original column is published on the website. Ukrainian service “Voice of America”.

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