Why, after a year of life, I still leave from New York
I sat down the other day to reread my posts a year ago about my first impressions when I just arrived in New York. When I read, I had tears of emotion from my own naivety. I look there as a child, not yet beaten by the emigrant life - I admire the Empire, I state that “there is no other mentality” and I enjoy my work. Oddly enough, but over the course of a year I have changed my view of many things.
From the side it seems that the year passed incredibly fast, but for me the time went just as it should. And this year I experienced more events and changes than all my 23 years before. When I arrived here, I did not expect anything, did not make any plans and did not think whether I would live here or not. But by the end of the year I decided to return home to Kiev.
The creative director several times offered to stay, they were ready to apply for a new visa, and they wanted to serve me as a blogger (apparently with a hint that I have more merits in blogging than in design). But in the end, I still refused both the visa and the work contract. Why?
Work. New York is perfect for work and career, I already wrote why. Before coming here, I already worked in the office, and was a year and a half on freelancing (also wrote), and here again returned to office. For this year, again convinced that I was not an office man. Because at the height of success, I decided to end my career as a web designer. I can't work only for money. My experience here is invaluable, but when my career ceased to be a priority for me, I again decided that there was no longer any sense of sitting in an office, even if it was in New York.
Rent. Suffice it to say that I pay half of my salary for a room (!) In Brooklyn. Yes, I can advise you to find a better paid job. But then I want to move to a normal apartment, which will cost again half of my new salary. Find a job more expensive and stay live cheaper? In theory, yes, but what's the point? Sleep on the floor on the mattress for years to - what? To pontov on Facebook, that I live in New York?
Medicine. This is such a pitfall that many simply forget. For me personally, medicine is closed here. Yes, I have insurance, but it does not cover 100% costs. A doctor's consultation costs $ 200, I’m not talking about the cost of any treatment or a small operation. Put a seal? Go for grinding? Delete a cyst? To make X-ray or ultrasound? Ahaha. I don’t have extra hundreds of dollars, but I’m not ready to go without examinations. My friends go home every six months, they run to the doctors and come back. For me personally, this is not the level of self-care I was used to.
Beauty service. Oh, this is my favorite topic. I'm sure many will not understand why the absence of this so spoils my life. I tell stories about the worst manicure often. In New York, there is no good manicure (of the quality we are used to in the CIS); laying here is done with the left foot (in hipster salons); in the cheapest salons, body care and face costs $ 200 and higher. I haven't even had a haircut for a year, because I'm just afraid. About depilation, massage and pedicure, I generally keep quiet. Moreover, I am not the only one to notice this - everyone with whom I spoke in the United States agree that the service here is of a strange quality. Yes, you can find Russian girls and go to Brighton Beach, but again ...
Friends. It can be infinitely long for me to prove that making new friends is easy, and that I just don’t try. I made new acquaintances with Instagram, I talked a lot on my blogger events, I have a couple of good English-speaking acquaintances, but I can't call them friends. In the Russian diaspora I was not particularly eager, because to be friends only because you speak the same language is a dubious pleasure. As a result, only with one Nina we communicate constantly. Once it seemed that I have two and a half friends in Kiev, but now I am looking from the side and I understand how many people are waiting for me, and how much I miss everyone. And it is not Kiev as such that makes me happy, but my friends and relatives, who are all there.
Language. Once I condemned it in other immigrants, and now I understood how much I lack this. Due to the fact that English is not my native language, it is difficult for me to understand a person in intonation. That is, we seem to communicate, but I don’t understand his feelings at all, all the more - we have here such English as in school, “vali vel oak table”. Yes, over the years it will become better and easier, but, honestly, I do not even have the desire to wait and hope that one day I will understand the emotions in a conversation. I manage to understand only one Frenchman from a half-phrase, the rest are difficult, even a year later. But this is my personal, I know our guys, who are absolutely comfortable with making new English-speaking friends and communicate with them only with them.
Background This is also my personal problem, but due to the fact that there are people from all over the world, it is impossible for me to communicate in everyday life. We have no common background (culture, childhood, etc.), and a new acquaintance always turns into an interview - and what about you, how about you, and how are you? And always the same questions. And if you don’t watch local TV and local shows, then write down, especially if you are in the community of American citizens who are not visitors. There is a joke on a joke, and you are like a ram at a new gate. Therefore, I need to be strongly integrated in order to feel comfortable.
People around. I am only talking about my perception. At first, I was fascinated by the fact that people are open, they are easy to contact, they are easily acquainted. But as time passes, I realize that I simply cannot live among these people. They are not bad - they are different. There is a heterogeneous society in New York, and I feel uncomfortable in it.
So it turns out, the rent is cruel, medicine and care are not available, there are no friends, people around are straining, and working in the office is not mine. My soul does not lie to this country at all, there are dozens of other cool countries around, so I just see no reason to stay here now.
So that you do not think that I do not like this city, I will also tell you about the pros.
Food. Just a stunning selection of everything that you can imagine, especially I am pleased with the meat without antibiotics and the availability of fruit in the winter.
Institutions. In New York, there are so many “right” restaurants, hotels, and coffee shops that I haven’t been able to get around everything in my Forswer for a year.
Opportunities. Here you can fly to the very top, just by meeting the right people, but in this city it is easy.
Architecture. It has it all: from the magical underground in Brooklyn to the hi-end fashion in the Upper West Side, which only cost brown townhouses in the West Village and Central Park itself.
Freedom. Here you will not be condemned for anything, your hair color or strange shoes will not be surprised, it is comfortable to be gay or raise a child with two fathers. All the freest views you can realize in this city, the only question is - do you really need it?
State. I - even as an emigrant - feel the protection of the state. I can complain for any reason, and the truth will be on my side. Well, the fact that the state is seriously the architecture of the city, public spaces, the protection of citizens, etc ...
Well, I also like the fact that parcels from Amazon and Sephora come through 2 of the day, that any new books can be bought on the day of release, any brands, any goods - everything is available. But a lot of this is available in Europe, of course.
I have an eloquent story: a year and a half ago, I came across the LJ girl from Moscow, who lived with her husband and child in New York, and her last post was that she was returning to Moscow because she simply could not live comfortably in New York, does not want to raise a child in this city, misses friends and relatives, the Russian language and usual things. Then I read it and thought “oh my God, how you need to be narrow-minded to miss the Russian language! Do not want to raise a child in America! And friends? You can make new ones! ”.
Now, I think the same way as she did then: I miss my language, I don’t want to raise children in America, and no, I don’t make friends right away. This story very well taught me not to condemn when I myself have no identical experience. Anyway, do not condemn.
I notice another 2 subtle point. The first is that almost all my friends moved to the USA with their family, that is, husband and wife together. This is generally a key detail, because that is how you feel safe. And when you come alone, this is a completely different experience and other experiences.
And the second. Often in Instagram write to me “Oh, I was in New York for a week and so fell in love, I don’t understand how you want to leave this magical city!”. There are so many such comments that I am already laughing. Well, baby, you came for a week from a dull CIS city to New York, ate oysters every day, walked around Central Park and Times Square, bought up all the cosmetics, accompanied the sunsets with a cocktail at the rooftop and then returned to your rainy city . Well of course you will fall in love! For the first six months, I also idolized every little thing here. But sometimes people forget that tourism and emigration are two completely different experiences. Of course, I can still write 10 of such posts, but as long as you don’t feel it yourself, you won’t understand.
It was a terrific year - with a bunch of travel, new discoveries, new experiences and experiences. But somehow it all started to spin and change.
I love New York, I am grateful to this city and the people who brought me here. For invaluable experience, for the opportunity to travel throughout America. For sharing my life in Before and After. Thanks to New York for taking me out of my comfort zone, which in June brought me to the very bottom, which in August changed my outlook, which allowed me to become a blogger, which made it possible to open up and look at relationships from a different angle, which closed my Gestalt “I want to leave the country”, gave me money, showed what I can do, and opened up new opportunities.
Over the 2016 year, I visited Los Angeles, Chicago, Miami, Philadelphia, San Francisco and rode Kubrick in New York State. And she sang along with Tom Radio on Radiohead, cried at Riana’s concert, admired Florence and the Machine’s voice, jumped at Bonobo at the club and, of course, went crazy and broke her voice along with Kanye West. Completely changed my wardrobe and thoughts, moved to a new apartment, 6 went to the gym every day, bought a professional camera, a fur coat and heels, every 3 month was on vacation, went ankle-deep in the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans, finished her career and finally figured out what i want Dad always joked: “Who understood life - he quit his job”. And now I think it was not a joke.
What am I going to do in Kiev? Maintain commercial Instagram stores and restaurants, advise designers on working in America, and brands - about design. And I will do my projects. And just enjoy life, finally. And before that I always waited for something, now someone will come into my life - and everything will be cool, now I will move - and it will be cool, now I will find a new job - and it will be cool. Constantly waiting, but nothing inside has changed. But the universe brought me here so that I could look at myself thousands of kilometers from my comfort zone from the outside, and New York itself became a triger and an ideal place of education, to show me that everything is possible, that I can receive everything that I dream, if not afraid of change and do not invent hundreds of excuses.
Of course, I don’t tell a lot about a personal blog, and there are even more changes and colors. So my return home is not the end of a fairy tale, but only its beginning. And I myself can not wait to see how it will be. I know for sure that I will miss New York, but I will have all of Europe and Asia next door! And for me it is much more beautiful and diverse in America: Paris, beloved Berlin, London, Iceland and Dubai are ahead. The world did not converge on one New York - and thank God. And I can return here at any time, so why make some kind of tragedy out of it, right? ?
And on Instagram my new adventures - @elenabazu.
Blog text published on Online Elena Base. Reprinted with permission of the author. The material used by the author.
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