From the first person. How American parenting is different from ours - ForumDaily
The article has been automatically translated into English by Google Translate from Russian and has not been edited.
Переклад цього матеріалу українською мовою з російської було автоматично здійснено сервісом Google Translate, без подальшого редагування тексту.
Bu məqalə Google Translate servisi vasitəsi ilə avtomatik olaraq rus dilindən azərbaycan dilinə tərcümə olunmuşdur. Bundan sonra mətn redaktə edilməmişdir.

From the first person. How does American parenting differ from ours?

In every society, the education of the younger generation has its own specifics. We, parents, without thinking, raising children in the same way as our mothers and fathers, grandmothers and grandfathers. However, as soon as you move to another country, you begin to understand the difference in approach. That's what I saw after I moved to America from Belarus.

1. American parents always offer a choice. Be it clothes, food, toys, etc. Are the clothes inappropriate for the weather or don’t match? Nonsense! If the child is cold, he will get dressed, if he gets wet, he will change his clothes if he wants. Well, if he doesn’t want to, that’s his choice.

I admit, at first I was very surprised by the children in flip-flops at almost zero temperatures and a voice inside simply screamed: “Where are the parents looking? After all, the child will get sick!” Time passed, and I realized that this is the parenting style. And, most importantly, everyone is happy with this, and the children are not bothered about trifles - the child is allowed to do everything that does not threaten his life.

In this regard, “our” children also cause surprise, but at the other extreme - why wrap up a child like that and control him like that, while controlling almost every step?! For us, the norm is a surprise for Americans.

Photos from personal archive

Photos from personal archive

2. Many American parents teach their children to be independent from an early age. An example is the 2-year-old child of my neighbors, who is left alone during the day (there is video surveillance in the room!) In the room for about an hour. Gradually, the time increased to 2 once a day for an hour. At first, the kid was a little afraid of loneliness, but gradually he learned to engage himself in playing. And such examples can not lead 1 and 2.

3. In my opinion, one of the amazing features of the American style of parenting, which, of course, is present in “our” families, but to a much lesser extent, is the time spent together between children and parents. And it doesn’t matter whether it’s an evening game of Monopoly or ball, sitting around the fire or a walk - the main thing is that everyone is together and nearby. Family!

4. In classic American families, moral issues are monitored very carefully. Even the smallest children on the beach must wear a bathing suit, and European swimming trunks on men and boys are the height of indecency. At the same time, for many of my compatriots it is not considered shameful or indecent for a baby to run around on the beach without any clothes at all, which amazes, if not to say in another way - outrages - the Americans. I have witnessed more than once when “Russian” parents on the beach were asked to put at least some clothes on their child.

5. From a fairly young age, many children are taught how to manage money and set up personal accounts. I won’t say that today this is surprising for me (I have been teaching this to my own son since he was 6 years old), but most often “our” children are not taught how to handle money, bills and checks. The maximum that is entrusted is to go to the store with a specific amount and detailed instructions from mom.

6. Uncompromisingness on the issue of responsibility is also, in my opinion, one of the defining features of the American approach. It doesn’t matter what it is - the main thing is that the child is responsible for it. The requirements are structural, simple and understandable, often written down on paper and posted in a visible place. Business and responsibility for it are always above all else.

As for “our” upbringing, we, Russians, are more loyal in matters of principles. Often the harsh sentence: “You lose your misconduct ... of the tablet, watching TV, computer set-top box (underline the necessary),” after persuading the child to transform into a softer version with conditions or canceled altogether: “Promise me that there will be no more this time I will forgive you, but if the next time it happens, then ... ”. Undoubtedly, the delighted child immediately promises everything that is demanded of him, and happy returns to what was previously forbidden by “harsh” parents.

7. Very few American grandparents take an active part in raising their grandchildren. Your children are your problems, but my grandfather and I have our own lives! That's all. Extremely clear and understandable. That's why Americans take their children everywhere, starting from a very tender age. An option is a nanny or a neighbor’s teenage daughter who is not averse to earning extra money (undoubtedly, with a responsible attitude towards the latter’s business). The presence of children everywhere often surprises newly arrived immigrants.

As for US citizens, they are surprised by something else - why, after raising children, “Russian” grandparents, instead of enjoying life, put a new burden of responsibility for the next generation on their elderly and frail shoulders.

8. Many Russians, and I am not an exception, are surprised by the fact that there is no maternity leave in the United States and the opportunity to raise a child until the moment when it becomes more independent and can fully participate in social life.

When I said that in our homeland the decree lasts for 3, the Americans literally bombarded me with questions about how to be able to raise a child before they reach the 3 age and at the same time: (1) not lose their job; 2) receive a monthly cash benefit.

9. Financial rewards for children for homework are also unusual for Russians. But this fact exists in so many American families. If he completed the job efficiently, he received a cash bonus. Poor quality - redo it, and money only after the parents receive a satisfactory result.

Photos from personal archive.

10. What distinguishes American children from “ours” is individualism. The USSR and its collectivism are not so far away from us. Today's 40-year-olds are still “born in the USSR.” And our children are also covered with this mental coating, no matter how much we try to level it out. Here, perhaps, the parable about the broom fits well, when one twig breaks, but many do not. American children are different. They grow up in an environment of cultivated and carefully nurtured individualization. Their opinion is taken into account. The entire system of education and upbringing, starting with families and ending with many businesses, is aimed at individualizing the individual. Whether it can be done or not is a question of a different order...

Communicating with many Americans, I see how strong the myth is that “Russians” are “ushanka, vodka and a bear,” and Americans are “fat hamburger eaters.” But gradually this mutual surprise is erased, and the environment gets used to non-standard behavior, and it is so nice to see how stereotypes gradually move aside, and people begin to understand why we and our children are the way we are.

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