The inevitable stage of immigration: how to say goodbye to the past without falling into nostalgia - ForumDaily
The article has been automatically translated into English by Google Translate from Russian and has not been edited.
Переклад цього матеріалу українською мовою з російської було автоматично здійснено сервісом Google Translate, без подальшого редагування тексту.
Bu məqalə Google Translate servisi vasitəsi ilə avtomatik olaraq rus dilindən azərbaycan dilinə tərcümə olunmuşdur. Bundan sonra mətn redaktə edilməmişdir.

The inevitable stage of immigration: how to say goodbye to the past without falling into nostalgia

We have more than once celebratedthat the correct experience of nostalgia as an inevitable stage of immigration not only does not interfere with adaptation in the new homeland, but even in a certain sense contributes to it. After several years of living in a new country, the human body tends not only to feel the joy of new experiences and opportunities, but also to remember the good things that are left in the past. It is important to allow yourself these memories at least in order to say goodbye to the past and let it go. Saying goodbye to the past and reconciling it with the present, you will thereby be able to use the previously accumulated emotional resource - the experience of joy experienced over many years, which can be of invaluable help in a new life.

Photo: IStock

However, this year many people who had never previously planned to emigrate were forced to leave their native country. Ukrainians fleeing the war, and Russians with Belarusians fleeing repressions, can't go back without risking their lives either. And if for convinced dissidents the break with their own country is most often conscious and helps them to separate from it faster, for the rest of the forced emigrants, nostalgia can become a difficult test.

Unlike those who left in “quiet” times, these people do not have positive motivation in the form of plans and hopes from immigration, just as there is no “airbag” in the form of the opportunity to return home at any time. For them, longing for the past can often be acute and hopeless, and sometimes there is not enough strength to come to terms with the loss. We will try to give some advice on how to try to transform longing for the past into bright sadness and not let it turn into a painful illness that poisons life in the present.

Don't be afraid of memories

Of course, you should not artificially induce nostalgia in yourself if you really do not feel anything like that. It may well be that the time for mourning the past has not yet come. In this case, you should not force your body with artificially caused melancholy, you can “with a clear conscience” enjoy life in a new country. But if you already felt sadness over the past or, on the contrary, began to react too sharply when someone nearby is experiencing similar feelings, this is a reason to be wary and at least sort out their feelings.

On the subject: Adaptation Checklist: A Compilation of Helpful Tips for Immigrants for 2022

The fact is that often immigrants are so afraid of the onset of nostalgia that they displace this feeling in the bud without allowing themselves to feel even the slightest manifestation of it. They simply do not allow themselves to think about the past, or, if we are talking about political refugees, they imagine their former life as a solid black spot filled with pain and suffering. On the one hand, with this approach, people really do not feel nostalgia in its standard manifestation. However, the displacement of the past carries serious risks and negative aspects.

First, trying to "forget and not remember" makes you vulnerable. Memories are a thing that a person is far from always able to control, and no one is immune from the fact that at moments of serious trials or disappointments in a new country, repressed feelings will not flood you with renewed vigor, literally “flooding” with melancholy and pain. In addition, the attempt to constantly restrain these feelings, hiding them from oneself, requires a significant strain of psychological forces. In a “calm” state, this tension may not be noticeable, but in the event of an injury, you may not have the strength to either displace nostalgia or to cope with a new blow.

Secondly, the practice of not listening to your feelings and avoiding them is quite dangerous in itself. In addition to nostalgia, you can have a lot of other sensations and needs, and if you are used to brushing them off, it will be very difficult for you to become happy. Do not forget that happiness is also a feeling, and in order to feel it, it is important to be able to take care of yourself.

Thirdly, if we do not allow ourselves to accept our sadness and say goodbye to the past, moreover, we do not even allow ourselves to feel our own longing, we will have to carry with us all the luggage of unshed tears through life. This load can not only worsen the mood, but also the psychological state up to the appearance of clinical depression. If you combine this with the habit of repressing your other feelings and needs, the burden of the unfelt and unlived at some point may turn out to be completely unbearable.

Altar not made by hands

Famous Russian and American psychologist Olga Podolskaya in one of his recent ForumDaily interviews in some detail told how to deal with and mourn the loss of loved ones. One of the most important components here is the commemoration ritual, in which a place is consciously created in the soul for dead husbands and fathers. In the same way, it makes sense to create a “mental altar” for happy moments from the past: reread letters, look at photographs, recall images. This will help to “minimize the loss”, that is, to understand that the past has not disappeared without a trace - it is stored in your memory, is part of your life and experience, helped you become who you are, and no one can take it away from you.

This attitude will help to turn the pain of loss into light sadness and, most importantly, use the past as a resource. The sense of serenity and security that you felt as a child can be a great topic for meditation in the present and help remind you of the sense of security that is so necessary in this insecure world. Simple student joys, first love, youth and much more - this is an important part of life, the connection with which makes you stronger if you know how to consciously handle it.

Connection with reality

On the other hand, it is extremely important not to plunge headlong into the past, allowing it to replace the present. In the host country, it is worth looking for new favorite places, inventing new rituals and traditions for yourself, and accumulating another unique image of joy. Ideally, it would be mentally to unite the joys from the past and the present into a single spiritual "pantheon", a resource from which you can take strength and resource states at will.

You may be interested in: top New York news, stories of our immigrants and helpful tips about life in the Big Apple - read it all on ForumDaily New York

In addition, it is important to learn to separate the real state of the abandoned country from your memories. Sometimes it is useful to read the news and communicate with people who have remained at home, if only in order not to forget: neither today's Ukraine nor Russia is like the country you knew. Both of them, each in their own way, have changed almost beyond recognition, and therefore, even if you physically return there, you still cannot return to your past. It is important that bright memories and soothing images do not turn into an illusion that distorts the image of reality.

A clear warning here is fate Sergey Efron - the poet's husband Marina Tsvetaeva, a former White Guard, who, over the long years of immigration, never got rid of homesickness. It was she who prompted the former sincere supporter of the "white idea" to become an agent of the NKVD, and then return from France to the USSR at the height of the Great Terror. As a result, Efron was arrested, and after two years of torture and interrogation, he was shot. His daughter Ariadna also ended up in the camps, and Marina Tsvetaeva, after the arrest of her husband and daughter, committed suicide.

That is why it is so important to mourn the past and consciously say goodbye to it. If you clearly understand what exactly you have lost and come to terms with your loss, it will be more difficult for you to believe in the illusion. If you open yourself to access to all your feelings and are able to handle them painlessly, this increases the chances that no one else will be able to take advantage of your weakness and vulnerability in years to come. Your past is only your wealth, which should not be left to the mercy of manipulators.

Read also on ForumDaily:

Merging with nature: the most beautiful hotels in US national parks

How to return to the US if you are abroad and have lost your green card

Some US parks can only be visited by advance booking: list and registration conditions

Detailed and realistic: AI wrote instructions for the destruction of humanity in a few seconds

How much do teachers in the US earn: ranking by state

Why coffee in a cafe always tastes better than at home, and how to make the perfect drink yourself

To work with a dog: how companies in the US use pets to relieve employee stress

immigration stress loudspeakers nostalgia
Subscribe to ForumDaily on Google News

Do you want more important and interesting news about life in the USA and immigration to America? — support us donate! Also subscribe to our page Facebook. Select the “Priority in display” option and read us first. Also, don't forget to subscribe to our РєР ° РЅР ° Р »РІ Telegram  and Instagram- there is a lot of interesting things there. And join thousands of readers ForumDaily New York — there you will find a lot of interesting and positive information about life in the metropolis. 



 
1069 requests in 1,134 seconds.