'My father staged a coup in Greece and organized the invasion of Grenada': memoirs of the daughter of a CIA agent

Leslie Absher's father worked for the CIA. To this day, she struggles to come to terms with his complicated legacy. She has written a memoir about her life, family secrets, and why facts should matter to all of us. Independent.

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For Leslie Absher, secrecy is just another member of the family. Throughout her childhood, her father's government work was shrouded in mystery.

В a book "Spy Daughter, Queer Girl" (Spy Daughter, Queer Girl) Absher seeks the truth: about his family, his identity and his father's role in the CIA-backed Greek junta. As a guide, Absher takes readers into the shade of plane trees in Greece, to weird discotheques in Boston, and to stressful dinners with his aging CIA father.

Leslie's father joined the organization in 1961 and, unlike many Cold War spies, was not recruited in college as many were when approached by "professors" who told them they had a chance to do important protection work. America. Instead, such work was his own idea. According to Leslie's father, it was the horror of realizing that the Soviet Union had nuclear weapons and was ready to use them that made him join the CIA.

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“When I was younger, I didn’t understand this kind of fear at all. All I saw was a paranoid dad who constantly looked over his shoulder when passing strangers on the street or looked in the rearview mirror while driving. By the time I found out he was working for the CIA, I was twenty and had developed my own worldview. In my opinion, America was largely on the wrong side. Not only America. Dad was on the wrong side,” says Leslie.

When she was a freshman at Boston University in 1983, her phone rang early in the morning. She picked up the phone. It was her dad. After a quick greeting, her father said, “Listen, the US is going to invade Grenada. I'm telling you before it hits the news."

Leslie remembers how she thought, “Grenada? Where is it?"

“I need you to find a pen and write down my hotel number,” Leslie’s dad continued. “I won’t be in the country for several days.” You can leave a message for me there.” Leslie searched the floor for a pen, found one and wrote down the number.

A few hours later, she, along with several other students, including the girl she had a crush on, were watching a news report about the US invasion of Grenada.

“I pretended that I had nothing to do with what was going on there and that my father wasn’t in that faraway country doing who knows what,” Leslie says. “I didn’t know yet that he worked for the CIA. Likewise, I didn't know that he was in charge of the invasion intelligence. When President Reagan appeared on screen and gave justification for the invasion—that the American medical students studying there were in danger—I rolled my eyes and thought, “More American imperialism.”

A few years later, the Iran-Contra scandal erupted and the world learned that the US was secretly selling arms to Iran to fund the war in Nicaragua. And the CIA was involved. Leslie couldn't take it easy.

“The CIA did it,” she told her dad over the phone, plucking up her courage.

“Where did you hear that?” - he asked.

“Miami Herald,” Leslie replied.

“They never print the truth,” he replied.

Leslie then realized that she and her father would probably never be on the same page about anything. Not politics or its orientation. “Although by this time I was happy to confront him about his work, I didn’t have the courage to tell him that there was a possibility that I was a lesbian,” Leslie recalls.

After graduating from college, She found an apartment in Boston and immersed herself in the super-queer life (queer is a person belonging to a sexual minority. An umbrella term used to denote a person whose sexuality and/or gender identity differs from the mainstream)—participating in Pride , joined the women's soccer team and became a feminist radio host.

Around the same time, Leslie met a lesbian couple from Cyprus. They told her stories about what it was like to be gay at home and how women had to meet in secret rooms.

“I told them that I lived in Greece in the late 60s, and that this was my father's first combat assignment with the CIA. When I said that my family had arrived just months before the Greek military coup took power, they stared at me, dumbfounded,” Leslie recalls. “They said the CIA helped organize this coup.” Shame overwhelmed me. Once again, my father was on the wrong side.”

Eventually, when Leslie got tired of hiding her sexuality from her father, she sent him a letter telling him that she was a lesbian. “He immediately called and said that it was not normal for me to be who I was, but that we should not lose touch. I thought it was some kind of scam. From then on, whenever we talked, I didn't talk much about myself. We stuck to small talk about the weather or our cats,” says Leslie.

She was 40 when she decided that the only way to deal with shame about her dad and his career was to try to find out the truth about his assignments, especially about what happened in Greece. Her investigation took years. It included meetings with scientists and a trip to the Greek islands.

“Eventually this led to a series of conversations with my father and a breakthrough in our relationship. My attitude towards his work changed. I came to believe that despite our differences, his commitment to defending America and his belief in its ideals were sincere,” Leslie said.

Her father has also received recognition for his accomplishments: Chief of Station in two countries, two medals of merit, participation in documentaries, and university teaching.

But on September 11, when the towers fell, these conversations had not yet taken place. And her change in relation to her father's work has not yet occurred. “Similarly, Dad still hasn't accepted my sexuality or met my wife Susan, the girl I had a crush on in college. I was living with Susan in California when I turned on the TV and saw the devastating terrorist attacks in New York and Pennsylvania. I was terrified. I had to call my dad. I thought he would think it was his fault. Something his work couldn’t prevent,” Leslie recalls.

Her stepmother answered the phone. “Your dad was crying in his chair watching the video,” she said. — Our apartment is directly opposite the Pentagon. We can still see the smoke."

Leslie's dad answered the phone.

“His voice, usually booming, sounded quiet. If we could restore our relationship to that moment, we could share our sadness and try to comfort each other as best we could. Instead, I couldn't find the right words. Neither of us found a way to bridge the gap that existed between us that day. After a few minutes the call ended,” says Leslie.

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Her father has been gone for ten years, and 11 years have passed since 21/XNUMX. But she still often thinks about her father's work in the CIA.

“There are some assignments that are easier to complete, such as his first assignment on the Cuban Missile Crisis. He was involved in all the reports and assessments leading up to the U-2 reconnaissance flight that confirmed the missiles in Cuba, Leslie says. “It's easy to be proud of the mission that allowed President Kennedy to avoid war.” But even tasks that I have problems with, like the invasion of Grenada, I can now view from my Cold War father’s perspective, even if I still don’t agree with it ultimately.”

Leslie says that today, if she could repeat that 11/XNUMX call, she would try to listen better.

“I shared with my father how sad these attacks made me, and despite our different points of view, in my memoirs I tried to create compassion for both of us - for him for everything he endured during his almost 32 years in the CIA , and to me, for everything I experienced as his daughter. I would offer the world more compassion and less judgment. I think that's what we all deserve,” says Leslie.

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