'I dreamed of Belarus': an immigrant quit a prestigious job in the USA to brew cocoa at home

Three months ago, Alexandra Sahar returned to Belarus after nine years of immigration. For people who knew her in New York, this news came as a shock. Why did a young, self-fulfilling woman in America with an excellent education, her own English-language radio show, and a well-paid job suddenly decide to come back?

Photo: instagram.com/_sashasugar_

Alisa Ksenevich talked with Alexandra for the portal lady. tut.by.

Green card went to the USA

- The first time I came to the USA in 19 years under the Work and Travel program. She got a job in a hippy shop (part-time sex shop), as well as a maid in a hotel in the town of Provincetown, Massachusetts. The summer passed unforgettably, but I was not going to stay in America. She returned to Belarus, continued her studies at the beloved faculty of philosophy and social sciences of BSU, and a year later her mother won the green card. I have not yet turned 21 year, and as a minor I could immigrate with her. We went through an interview in Warsaw, got green cards. I continued to study at BSU, but I spent every summer in Provincetown, where I had an affair with everything else. There was another reason after leaving university to leave for the States. Mom had already been living in New York for a year.

- Did you find a Belarusian diploma of higher education useful?

- It came in handy in the sense that, on the basis of higher education, I could enroll in American magistracy. I applied to several educational institutions for sociology programs, and some of them immediately accepted me. The choice fell on the University Of Massachusetts in Boston, but I did not like either the huge school or the gangster city at that time.

During the winter holidays, I went to New York, to the New School, a prestigious, progressive, liberal school founded by German Jews who fled Nazi Germany. There I managed to catch the dean of the department of media communications and discuss with him the work of my favorite sociologists. It was love from the first discussion! Despite the fact that the reception of documents for the spring semester was already closed, the dean advised to go to the commission and ask if they would make an exception for me. Done. And when they accepted me, in connection with the excellent grades at BSU and the recommendations they also gave a scholarship that covered 50% of the cost of training.

- Many dream of immigrating to New York. Does he suit everyone?

- New York is extraordinary! It is a complex, energy-intensive, stimulating city. It is not for lazy people, not for lovers not to do a damn. Here you have to work hard to ensure a normal existence, and even more so, a comfortable life. At the same time, the air of freedom here is felt like nowhere else. How people carry themselves here, how they look, how they behave ... This is the best metropolis for those who like city life, who appreciate the choice, the movers; who is comfortable in a whirlpool of energies, vibrations; who are attracted by new experiences, people, everything advanced and daring ...

Here you can see a different life: smelly, dirty, beautiful, beautiful. In this New York resembles India. To secure my existence in New York, I combined my graduate studies with three works: at the Hard Rock Cafe gift shop, an assistant teacher and the committee for organizing a student job fair. Two years later, I received a Master of Science in Media Management. I got a job in a large advertising agency in the department of digital analytics of advertising data. In the following years, I changed two jobs and grew to the position of manager of the department for working with clients at a large media agency. I had a good income, even by the standards of New York, and growth prospects. I managed to repay the loan in 50 of thousands of dollars that I took for training for 3 of the year. It would seem that live and rejoice, but I did not feel happy.

Photo: instagram.com/_sashasugar_

Crisis

- The fact is that I was not at all interested in what I did eight hours a day. I did what was required of me, but did not strive to become the best in my field. A humanist and a sociologist at heart, I was much more interested than the advertising data in the dynamics of relations in the team, who behaves in the meeting, how they express themselves verbally. I really missed the creative splash, and I produced my own radio show on the Internet radio station in Brooklyn Radio Free Brooklyn, which she called "About Love."

They didn’t pay money for this, but I was ready to work for free, because at last I was doing what was interesting to me! What was originally conceived as a radio show about romantic relationships was transformed into a podcast about self-knowledge and understanding of cosmic, unconditional love. I invited astrologers, teachers of kundalini yoga, and Reiki masters to the studio. She was fond of reading literature on metaphysics, self-knowledge and various spiritual practices - from meditation to trips to the Amazonian jungle.

The deeper I looked into myself, the more clearly I understood: my true purpose was not to work in the advertising business and help corporations maximize profits. But in what? The need to devote most of his life to an unloved affair crushed, his dissatisfaction grew, which ultimately led to a nervous breakdown.

On the subject: 'Gathered and flew away': Belarusian told how she built life in America from scratch

This happened last fall, at the height of the working day, 20 minutes before an important telephone conversation with a client. I survived a terrible panic attack: it seemed that the whole world was crumbling, you couldn’t cling to anything, fall into the abyss, everything loses its meaning, it throws your body into heat, tears flow uncontrollably, you don’t know what is happening and what to do. My boss was understanding. She left me from the room, asked about what had happened, sent her home, saying that she would take care of everything so that I would not worry about work and urgently consulted with a doctor. As it turned out later, this was my last day at the office. I did not appear there again.

The reception at the psychiatrist did not help me. The doctor was indifferent, asked a standard set of questions, wrote out a prescription for antidepressants. I am convinced that antidepressants do not help eliminate the true cause of depression. Numbness of feelings occurs, a person returns to everyday life, ceases to ask himself questions, but the call of the soul cannot be completely crushed. It will still make itself felt, and not always in pleasant and controlled forms. When I expressed these considerations to the doctor, he shrugged indifferently: “Then what are you doing in my office?”

Photo: instagram.com/_sashasugar_

Guatemala

“I understood that the reason for my breakdown was not in some kind of chemical imbalance, but in the fact that I was not doing what my soul was doing. To postpone this question further was not strength and meaning. I just turned 31 year. I realized that New York is too stimulating a city and not the right place to deal with your mental and emotional problems.

You need to go to a calmer, warmer place. A yoga teacher spoke about Guatemala, the village of San Marcos by Lake Atitlan, located among the hills and volcanoes. This place was considered sacred by the ancient Mayans, they considered it one of the sources of life. I bought a one-way ticket and left. Of course it was scary. I understood that I was not leaving on vacation, not on vacation, but on a long journey that would determine the next important segment of my life. At work at that time I already had sick leave - three months of paid leave. In America, there is no stigma of mental disorders, here it is with understanding that people have nervous breakdowns. And it takes time to recover from them. I had some savings, so financially I was protected.

San Marcos is an amazing place where I met many like-minded people. People from all over the world come to the sacred lake in order to see their true “I” in the process of deep work on themselves, meditation, and spiritual practices.

San Marcos meditation centers and yoga studios conduct master classes, meditations, liberating dances, and cocoa ceremonies. I began to learn everything that was interesting to me: I took courses in metaphysics, astrology, Kabbalah, Reiki, massage of the abdomen, received a certificate from a yoga teacher. In total, the training took six months, it was intense. The very stay in San Marcos was intense: it is a kind of spiritual incubator in which all the facades fall away and the inside goes out. For many people, such honesty with itself is an unbearable torment.

Local cocoa, prepared in the traditions of the ancient Mayans, is a great helper on the transformational path. I fell in love with this healing elixir from the first ceremony held by the daughter of a local shaman. The ability of cocoa to gently “say” about the main thing helped me to see my new calling - to help others see the most important thing about myself, my essence. In my practice, I combined yoga, tarot cards, reiki, the healing power of Guatemalan cocoa and elements of shamanism. Started teaching at local hotels and hostels.

I liked my new life, and if someone had said then that half a year would not pass, how I would conduct cocoa ceremonies in Belarus, I would not believe it. But as they say, if you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

Photo: instagram.com/_sashasugar_

“There was a feeling that the sky was falling”

At some point, I began to dream about Belarus. I wondered why Belarus, not New York, not America? The call of my native land was so strong that I decided to follow it. I took two suitcases with me to Belarus. In one, the most necessary (I gained in 9 years in the USA, I gave away to friends, donated to those in need), in the other, a shaman's tambourine and briquettes of Guatemalan cocoa.

Arriving in Belarus, I went to Nesvizh, my hometown. Although I did not have high expectations, I thought that the connection with my native land would give me an energy boost. It turned out a little different. On the third day in Belarus I was covered with apathy, sadness, pressure dropped, I did not want to do anything, just eat and sleep. There was a feeling that the sky was falling. Despite the fresh air compared to New York, it became harder for me to breathe.

Earlier, when I came to Belarus for a few weeks to see my family and friends, I did not feel such a pressure. I enjoyed chatting, walking around my favorite places, time flew by quickly, on the rise. Perhaps it was from the festive feeling of "I'm on vacation."

After three months of living in Belarus, I started to “ground up” and get used to what is around. True, Minsk is no longer the city from which I left 9 years ago. Fashionable, fast, expensive (some prices are comparable to the prices of New York), the guys ride scooters, a wide variety of events, entertainment, thematic movements ... It's great! But just an insane amount of cars, I didn’t notice this before, and now, walking along the avenue at 4 − 5 in the evening, I see that the cars are already in traffic jams.

On the subject: Belarus in the USA: 'I had a temperature under 40, and my boyfriend said' everything will be ok 'and left'

Looking at the girls, I notice that they are beautiful, but not unique, as before, but some kind of the same beauty. I don’t know if Instagram is to blame for everything, since I don’t hang in it and don’t know about the latest trends in fashion. But the heyday of tattooed eyebrows in Minsk, for me, greatly muffles the natural beauty. Maybe Belarusians still have a strong mental attitude that they need to look “decent”, or, God forbid, what others will think?

Even after nine years of living in New York and eight months in Guatemala, I began to succumb to it! After my grandmother asked me not to tell my neighbor that I quit my job in New York and am not doing anything “normal” now, I was upset for a moment. You have to pull yourself and remind yourself of the uniqueness of your life path, like any other.

It is noticeable that the purchasing power of Minsk residents has grown. On the one hand, people have a long-awaited choice, access to better services and products. On the other, I observe a bias towards consumption. Whatever store or mall you enter, there are always crowds of people.

My father and I went on a bus tour in the Baltic states, so our guide, instead of telling interesting facts from the history and culture of cities, showed where it is better to buy and how many liters of alcohol you can bring to Belarus. It seems that it has become an organic part of the Belarusian mentality - to go abroad in order to consume, purchase more affordable alcohol, to dress up.

As for alcohol, this is a sore point, of course. I see the drunken, aged faces of friends in Nesvizh, I learn about early deaths ... My heart hurts from this.

At the same time, the healthy lifestyle niche is growing rapidly in Minsk, there are supporters of minimalism and informed consumption, various eco-friendly movements are developing, people are more open to the new. More such innovators and initiatives in the province!

Photo: instagram.com/_sashasugar_

Cocoa Therapy KaKhaVa

The fact that the Right festival is being held in the Vitebsk region, I learned from a friend right away when I returned home. As a man seeks his place, so a place seeks his man - this is the essence of synergy. I went to "Spravu" with Guatemalan cocoa, a shamanic tambourine, held several workshops and ceremonies that found a great response from the participants. She called her project “KakhaVa”, combining the Belarusian words “kakava” and “kahanne”.

Guatemalan ceremonial spill cocoa has nothing to do with cocoa powder sold in stores. This is a 100% non-sugar cocoa mass that retains both cocoa powder and cocoa butter in production. It is in oil that the main nutrients and vitamins are located that stabilize the level of insulin, pressure, improve the condition of the skin and hair.

Theoretically, you can survive on cocoa beans, since they contain the necessary proteins, fats, carbohydrates and amino acids. It is no accident that the Maya Indians respectfully called cocoa a divine elixir. Thanks to theobromine, cocoa charges with energy, which is enough for the whole day, intuition works better, creativity increases.

Over the past three months, with my cocoa, I visited the Gong Nights in Chablis, the Karani ethnic festival (held near the town of Berezino), visited several eco-settlements and farms where progressive Belarusian downshifters live. These are the guys who left the city to be closer to nature, live freer and calmer, cultivate the land, grow environmentally friendly products. Some of them work remotely, someone lives exclusively on subsistence farming.

The movement towards self-knowledge and the transformation of values, although small, is there. Belarus, fortunately, does not stand aside. While I'm here, I want to share the ceremonial cocoa culture with fellow countrymen.

Currently, I am looking for venues for ceremonies, I am negotiating with yoga studios. Next Friday, 18 of October, we will conduct a joint ceremony using cocoa and gongs with SoundHealing. And on October 27, my personal open cocoa ceremony will be held at Yogi Bogi Studios in Uruchye.

My compatriots have an interest in cocoa ceremonies. The main difficulty is to ensure the accessibility of the ceremony for Belarusians, while recouping the costs. Cocoa itself and its transportation from Guatemala are expensive. The cost of rent in Minsk is quite high. Plus, my role as conductor and moderator of the ceremony. All this does not add up to the lowest price for the participants, but I want everyone to try this magic drink. On the other hand, in Minsk, one yoga class costs about 15 rubles, and an hour with a therapist costs about 70 rubles. I consider these factors to find a middle ground.

Photo: instagram.com/_sashasugar_

My cocoa ceremony lasts 2,5 − 3 hours, depending on the occasion and the number of people. Usually during the ceremony, we meditate, practice mindfulness, share experiences, and, of course, drink cocoa. The day before the ceremony, I ask people not to eat meat or drink alcohol. Cocoa also perfectly complements the practice of sound meditation, liberation dancing, art therapy.

By the way, do not be afraid of the word "shamanism." For me, this is a grateful and reverent attitude towards life. Even from a simple trip to the store, you can make a ceremony if you kindly contact the seller, smile; choosing an apple, mentally thank the farmer who raised it. When you know from your own experience (and not from external sources such as social networks or the teachings of fashionable gurus) that everything in the world is interconnected, it finally becomes your home. Therefore, I am not attached to the idea of ​​staying in Belarus, flying to New York, to Guatemala or somewhere else. An unmistakable decision will come from the heart.

Read also on ForumDaily:

As a daughter of a forester from Belarus, she earned a million in Silicon Valley

'Opportunity to leave the comfort zone': Belarusian spoke about work at Uber and life in New York

US citizens can enter Belarus without a visa: how it works

Belarus in the USA: 'I had a temperature under 40, and my boyfriend said' everything will be ok 'and left'

Do you want more important and interesting news about life in the USA and immigration to America? — support us donate! Also subscribe to our page Facebook. Select the “Priority in display” option and read us first. Also, don't forget to subscribe to our РєР ° РЅР ° Р »РІ Telegram  and Instagram- there is a lot of interesting things there. And join thousands of readers ForumDaily New York — there you will find a lot of interesting and positive information about life in the metropolis.