Personal experience: an American told what it's like to be a sugar baby in the USA and earn $ 500 per date
A 30-year-old freelance writer shares what it's like to be a Sugar Baby and why it's even cooler than regular dating. She asked not to reveal her identity for obvious reasons. Writes about it Business Insider.
Next - from the first person.
Six months ago, I decided to become a Sugar Baby.
My reasoning on this matter was simple. I got frustrated with relationships with men in my city - maybe I just had too many Tinder dates that ended in mediocre conversations. My main job allows me to control my schedule. I wanted to increase my income and have some fun, so I decided to try and find Sugar Daddy.
For the uninitiated, "sugar dating" is a form of dating in which one partner financially supports the other, often with money or gifts. I decided that this lifestyle might suit me.
Whether it was the fatigue of bad dates or maybe the excitement of life being beyond my usual means, I created a profile on the main dating website, SeekingArrangement.
In the six months since then, I have met some very interesting people, not to mention receiving thousands of dollars in cash, trips around the country, access to five-star hotels and restaurants, and expensive gifts such as shoes and clothes that I could never afford.
Before I found my first sugar daddy, I needed to understand why I chose to do this.
As with regular dating, if you fall into this lifestyle without having an idea of what you want, you're likely to be disappointed.
Do you want cash assistance and do you have a set amount in mind? Are there certain bills you want to cover? Do you want gifts, shopping and travel? Being clear about what you want in return is key.
What about the actual dating part - do you enjoy dating older men? Because daddies tend to be older than the women they date. How much time do you want to spend with your sugar daddy? And does your current lifestyle give you the freedom to do so?
In my short time as a sugar baby, men paid me $500 a date and bought me designer clothes, dinners, and 5-star hotel stays that I could never afford on my own.
I ate at restaurants where the bill was $400 and we still left hungry. Weekends I spent in five-star hotels, lazily ordering room service with ridiculous extra charges.
Although I enjoy expensive dinners and stay in trendy hotels, I ended up looking for friendships that would provide a paycheck. Some men do not want to pay for meetings, and I avoid meeting and dating such men, who are often called "experienced dedks."
You don't have to become a Sugar Baby just for the money.
If you're considering sugar dating solely for the money, it will be much more stressful as it becomes a second job.
Sugar dating exacerbates the disadvantages of regular, or "vanilla," dating. You can get messages, go on first dates, and date a lot more men than on vanilla dates. And it's a bad idea to rely on sugar daddy as your main source of income, because there is never really any guarantee of stability.
In addition, financial desperation leaves you vulnerable to malevolent men who have no intention of paying, or it may influence you to date men you might not otherwise be in a relationship with.
Anonymity is key for both parties - I created an alter ego just to be online.
It is common practice to accept a sugar identity separate from your real identity. My online profile uses a common name, and I don't reveal my true identity - in some cases even after meeting sugar daddy in person.
I'm glad I'm doing this, as every sugar daddy I've met has guarded their real identity in the same way. I suggest creating an alter ego for anyone who is going to try any online dating.
In the same vein, I signed up for several anonymous messaging apps and also got a separate phone number. Popular messaging apps are WhatsApp, Kik, Snapchat, WeChat, and Signal, but a phone number is often the preferred method. I suggest linking a Google Voice number to an anonymous email account.
Creating a Sugar Baby Profile is an Art and You Must Take Certain Precautions
Getting started with a Sugar Baby dating profile is pretty easy. I described my personality and wrote down some charming epithets that I thought the man I would like to spend time with might like.
The main thing is honesty, both in your self-descriptions and in your photographs. While face-changing filters exist and can help hide your identity, this turns men off. (And the men directly wrote to me: “Thank God you don’t have a photo with a dog filter!”)
I think the most common misconception about being a sugar baby is that daddies only date 18 year old blonde models. This is largely untrue - traditional cuteness certainly helps, but a Sugar Baby can look like any woman of almost any age. I do not get discouraged and try to attract only those men who, I think, will find me attractive. A deceptive appearance will only hurt you later.
The secrecy of the lifestyle involved in this case means that I have to be careful about the photos I use on my dating profiles. Many sugar daddys do reverse sugar baby profile picture searches in an attempt to avoid scammers who use photos of models and influencers.
To protect my identity, I try not to use photos that exist anywhere on my social media accounts. I have a strict "do not cross-contaminate" rule when it comes to photos. Also, I'm pretty sure I know which photos are available to the public and which are only available upon request. I frequently review and remove viewing privileges from certain men if the conversation hasn't progressed further.
I quickly learned the jargon that Sugar Baby and Sugar Daddy use.
As I immersed myself in the sugar dating community, I began to adopt the language used in their online world.
Sugar baby and sugar daddy are often referred to as SB and SD, partly for brevity and partly because some people get confused when they say "baby" and "daddy."
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There is a "meet and greet" or M&G, a community term for a first date. They are usually free, although it is not uncommon for a sugar baby to receive a small gift. Some of the things I got on my first dates included stuffed animals, books, and $300 in cash.
Some relationships are PPM or "pay per date" arrangements - in these arrangements, the daddy gives the sugw baby a certain amount for a date. In another type of relationship, sugar daddies give a "allowance" on a set schedule, such as monthly or bi-weekly, either in cash or through a payment app like Venmo. Many relationships start with PPM, as it's less risky than setting up benefits right away.
Older dads are those who don't pay with money, only gifts of fine dining, hotel stays, and glamorous vacations. Splenda daddy is a sugar daddy on a small budget. Salt daddies pretend to be generous to get in your pants.
And while the term is a little rough, Sugar Baby should be wary of what the community calls "pump and dump" - a common occurrence when a fake daddy doesn't provide any benefits or PPM, gets intimate. To avoid becoming a victim of one of them, you should never start intimacy with Sugar Daddy if you haven't already received something in return.
Before meeting any guy, I settle the terms of our arrangement.
To get what I was looking for in a relationship, I had to get used to discussing it with men.
There are a lot of men on the site trying to get everything for free, so I have learned not to assume that they will provide any financial compensation themselves.
We need to bring this topic up before the meeting. When I first started dating men outside of the site, I was quite timid even to mention pocket money - and unfortunately I realized that they weren't going to give me any money.
Some people write on their profiles that they "don't want anything transactional", usually meaning they don't want to pay for sex or dating. These should be avoided.
A lot of sugar daddies are married, which creates some problems.
Although there is no age limit for Sugar Baby and Sugar Daddy, Sugar Daddy is usually significantly older. And in many cases, married.
Having a sugar baby requires a certain level of discretion. A public statement about a relationship can cause you personal or professional problems, not to mention that it can reduce your chances of success.
Personally, I had no problem dating married people. After all, they are the ones who contacted me - and if they are willing to put in the effort to send me a message and set up a meeting, they will be willing to do it for someone else as well.
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