How to find a babysitter in the USA

In the United States, new mothers have to go to work 12 weeks after giving birth. And then - either the child is sent to a special kindergarten, or grandparents rush to help, or a nanny appears in the house. ForumDaily figured out how to find a suitable Mary Poppins, and how much her services will cost.

What used to be: pregnancy or nanny

How to find a nanny you can trust with your precious little man is a question so complex that some American mothers begin to prepare for it even before pregnancy. This is what my neighbor Barbara did, for example. She works in a private company, holds a good position and knows that she can only be absent from work 21 days a year. The rest of the time off is at your own expense, and you may lose your job altogether.

When Barbara asked if I knew anyone who could recommend a nanny to her, I already wanted to congratulate her on her upcoming new baby, but it turned out that my neighbor was not pregnant yet. She and her husband simply decided that they would first find a reliable candidate for the position of nanny, and then they would “work” on the child himself. Barbara said that this is normal practice for those who are afraid of losing their jobs.

I could not entrust the child to others, and she herself became a nanny

Finding a nanny is half the battle. It is important that she establishes contact with the child, and that the mother’s heart is calm. Zoya Demidovich came to Los Angeles with her husband and two children, found a good job in a bank, but when she gave birth to a baby, she quit. I decided to stay at home for a couple of years, and then find a nanny and return to work. Over these 2 years, Zoya looked closely at her friends’ nannies, watched women walking with other people’s children in the park, and realized that she could not entrust her child to a stranger.

“I’ve seen too many mistakes that nannies make,” says Zoya. “I’m already silent about the fact that in the park they are constantly chatting on the phone and not working with the child.” Often women, thinking that I was also a nanny, told me things that they were trying to hide from their employers. For example, instead of feeding the child a full meal, they bought him snacks.”

When my daughter turned 2 of the year, Zoe realized that there was no one on the horizon suitable for the role of nanny, and decided that she would become the nanny herself. And not only for the daughter, but also offer their services to other mothers.

So Zoya turned from a lending specialist into a nanny - and for the sixth year now she has been happy with her choice. “My daughter went to school this year, and now I look after three children, and in the afternoon I pick up my daughter and her classmate from school,” says Zoya.

Where to look?

When the question arises of finding a nanny, many, first of all, turn to friends and colleagues. But if there are no suitable candidates in the immediate environment, several sources come to the rescue at once. First of all, social media. Mothers turn to “virtual friends” who can recommend a nanny or, conversely, write a negative review. And this is also very important in such a delicate issue concerning one’s own child. Marina Baranchuk from New York found an assistant through friends for whom the nanny worked.

“In New York it works 50% of the time,” says Marina. — And in other cases, people look for nannies in special groups on Facebook. For example, there is a specialized group Russian Nanny Exchangethere are groups in which mums communicate." Similar communities of mothers exist not only in New York. If you type “mums in …” into the Facebook search bar and add your city or state, you’ll probably find a local group.

If you don’t want to limit yourself to social networks, advertise in the local press. To find a Russian-speaking nanny, contact Russian publications; if you find an American nanny, contact a city or regional newspaper. You can submit an advertisement yourself that you are looking for a nanny, or you can look through the “Looking for work” section. Perhaps a suitable candidate has just placed his ad there.

Look at specialized sites. Elena Furman from Los Angeles shared her experience: “We always looked for nannies through 3 sites - care.com, sittercity.com и craigslist.org. Here you can easily find advertisements and choose, choose, choose. If the nanny is experienced or has a special education (Early Childhood Education degree), then such a nanny’s prices will be higher.”

Elena advises not to trust everything that a potential nanny says to you when meeting you, and feel free to ask for her documents and certificates. Photos from the personal archive

Elena advises not to trust everything a potential nanny tells you when meeting you. If she has a special education, ask to see a certificate. And if she refers to extensive experience, ask for contacts of families for whom she worked. If possible, you should not limit yourself to calling the family of your previous employer, because this may well turn out to be a fake source. Ask permission to come visit and ask the child who was looked after by the nanny what memories and impressions he has. Don’t be embarrassed by your persistence - the same mother will be talking to you on the other end of the phone, who will most likely understand and share your excitement and concern.

How much to pay?

It’s difficult to talk about the prices for babysitting services in the USA, because each state has different incomes and minimum wages. Amount according to care.com can range from $12 to $25 per hour. But again, a lot depends on the education, experience of the nanny and staff. For example, if you work from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m., 5 days a week, a nanny in Silicon Valley with education and good recommendations will receive a maximum rate of about $3000. And Violetta Gazaeva from Chicago shares her experience: “We have a Mexican nanny, we pay $5 an hour. Since there is so much competition among Mexican women, they lower their prices through the roof and few can offer lower rates. The nanny has been in our family for 3 years, before that she worked for the family from whom we bought a house.”

The family of Anna and Pavel Shumilov from Silicon Valley allocate $4500 from the family budget for the nanny of their 5-year-old Camilla. This amount, according to Anna, is quite common for the IT region: “Even in San Fancisco, which is just a stone’s throw away, nannies won’t pay so much, because there is more competition there. In the Valley, one of the important requirements is that the nanny must have the rights to pick up the child from school or take him to studios and sports clubs. That’s why the grandmothers of our immigrants are not suitable for this kind of work.” Anna was looking for a nanny in an original way. The company where her husband works sent out an advertisement by corporate mail, and one of his colleagues, whom Pavel did not even know, recommended a nanny who raised his son.

Nanny with or without accommodation?

In America, the phenomenon of “live-in nanny” is common. This means that the nanny not only works for you, but also lives in your home. Like any coin, this practice has 2 sides.

The advantages are obvious: the nanny needs to pay less, because you give her a roof over her head and, as it were, you rent a house from her salary, the nanny will never be late for work, and because of this you will not be late for your business either, she can always stay longer and, in the end, it replaces the child's grandmother and becomes a more intimate person. Practically, you acquire a “relative”, so it’s worth making an agreement so as not to make cohabitation with a nanny a nightmare for both parties.

And that's why. Anna Ulanova works as a nanny in Florida for an American family and has become a real hostage of the situation. She, as Anna jokes, was “inherited” by her previous employers from San Francisco. She is a single woman, her children have grown up long ago. She immediately agreed to move to the relatives of her former owners so as not to lose her earnings, part of which she sends to her children back home.

Anna works as a nanny in Florida in the American family and has become a real hostage to the situation. Photos from the personal archive

“We discussed the working conditions verbally,” says Anna. — Same responsibilities as in San Francisco, same number of free hours. But I didn’t take into account that in San Francisco I left the house and went for a walk, or to a cafe, or shopping, or to the pool. And my new family lives in a tiny town, where the only social life is a small shop at a gas station. To buy groceries or some things, I have to ask to be taken to the shopping center. I see that the owners don’t like it, I don’t want to lose my job, but my life now is very, very sad. I think that my mood cannot but affect my work. I'm thinking about moving back to San Francisco."

For the mother of 2 children, Christina (she asked not to use her last name), the situation is completely different. Christina and her husband became hostages of the nanny in their own home. On the advice of her mother-in-law, the family “discharged” the nanny from overseas. A nanny cannot officially work in the USA; she came as a tourist and does not have insurance. And this is not an isolated case. But the problem is different: the nanny does not limit her presence in the family only to working hours.

“When the children are put to bed, the nanny comes to my husband and me for tea and a chat. We sit down to watch TV - she sits down with us, although she has her own in her room. My friends come to see me, and the nanny is right there, although she has a day off that day. This annoys me, my husband and I began to quarrel, he even began to deliberately come home from work later or go to friends’ houses so as not to spend the evening together. He doesn’t want to fire the nanny so as not to offend his mother, who sent her friend to us. I tried to talk to both the nanny and my mother-in-law, but it all ended with me being called rude and boorish.”

Christina advises against agreeing to a live-in nanny. After all, despite the fact that she provided the nanny with leisure time - she added it to her gym membership, enrolled her in the library, gave her a bicycle and buys a bus pass, the nanny still behaves not like an employee, but a family member.

What to feed, where to put the camera and other sensitive questions

If it seems to you that when hiring a nanny, it is enough to discuss (relatively) what kind of plasticine and how many times a day she will sculpt with the child - this is not so. It’s also worth talking about everyday issues that have become a stumbling block in other families in advance.

For example, what will the nanny eat if she comes to your house. “In the refrigerator, the nanny has a shelf on which there are simple products: sausage, cheese, pate, juices, mineral water,” Marina Tumareva from Denver shares her experience. — In the pantry, part of the shelf is also reserved for the nanny - soups and cereals in bags, corn and peas and a couple of canned goods. Plus something for tea."

Marina has set aside a shelf for the nanny, on which there are simple products: sausage, cheese, pate, juices, and mineral water in the summer. And there is no arguing about who eats what. Photo from personal archive

Yulia Bukovskaya from New Jersey has a different approach. She immediately warned the nanny that she and her husband are vegetarians, they buy only organic and very expensive products for the children, and she asks the nanny to bring her own food. “It was very unpleasant to see on camera footage that the nanny was eating the food we buy for the children,” says Yulia.

By the way, the issue with video surveillance also often arises in families that hire a nanny. Does the nanny say that there is a camera in the house? How to observe what happens if the nanny looks after the child not at your place, but at home?

Svetlana from New York, the nanny comes home, there are always cameras in the house and, if necessary, you can check how things are: “The nurse knows that there are cameras in the house, but I see that she doesn’t even remember or pay attention to them. It’s common practice for America to have a camera in the house. ”

By the way, about the ordinary and the unusual. Svetlana hired a nanny in a very unusual way - she entrusted the choice to the baby. “My child chose his own nanny,” Svetlana says about her experience. “Although he was 2 years old at that time, he either turned away and walked away, or grabbed him by the hand and took him to his room to show him his toys. On an intuitive level. That’s how they chose the nanny.”

Olesya Shubova from Boston believes that asking a child about how the nanny treats him is useless. You need to turn on your intuition, instinct and pay attention to small details: “This takes several weeks, and during this time you need to understand that there are no people without shortcomings, you need to be able to be flexible.” Olesya herself does not install a camera at home, but only because her husband works from home.

Olga Khubulova from New York once worked as a nanny herself, so she developed the criteria for a nanny for her child based on experience. “I have cameras everywhere, everyone is connected to phones—mine, my mother’s, my husband’s. The nanny knew that there were cameras, but we didn’t say where exactly they were. In addition, mom friends from the playground were warned and told what they saw during the day. We clearly stated important conditions: no telephone while the nanny is with the child, if the child falls, do not panic, because everyone falls and this is normal, but I need to know about it. The child can’t talk about the nanny because he doesn’t talk, but the attitude is still visible.”

Tatyana from Salt Lake City also advises paying attention to the child’s behavior and reaction, and this will be better than any camera in the house: “We had our daughter’s kindergarten teacher as our nanny. My daughter ran to her and hugged her when she came, and always waited with joy.” Isn’t this the best indicator that the child and the nanny have good contact?

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