How do they really refer to disabled children in the US

Teresa Baghdasaryan moved to the USA and decided to give birth in 46 years. The nurse informed her in a joyful voice: “Your child has Down syndrome!”. Gregory is now 16 years old, he is studying in a regular school, one goes around the city, to the store and to study, got a black belt in taekwondo. Is it difficult to raise a special child in America, what kind of future does Teresa see for her son and would she like him to be different?

Gregory and Teresa. Photo pravmir.ru

"You sent me a bad gift, return it to you?"

- Gregory, are you going to play football? Your friend came for you. - Gregory, are you going to play football? Your friend came for you, ”says Teresa Baghdasaryan to her sixteen-year-old son before the beginning of our conversation. Gregory has Down syndrome, and he lives in California with his mother.

Teresa Baghdasaryan twice drastically changed her place of residence. I left my native Baku for the first time to Moscow, running away from the Karabakh conflict. The second time, she moved from Moscow to the USA, to the California city of Monrovia.

- My emigration was not connected with any political or economic reasons. I decided to run away from annoying relatives, especially in America, my younger sister was already living, Teresa laughs. - The fact is that my husband is younger than me by 10 years, and when we got married, I was 34 of the year. For the Armenian family, this is simply an impossible mesalliance. Yes, and there are no children and no. We went to the doctors, all the tests showed that we are all right. You can imagine how much pressure was put on us by all relatives! Soon my husband moved here.

In America, Teresa, a music teacher, changed her profession - became a technician at the Hemodialysis Center, and learned the language in six months.

Through 12 years of marriage, in 46 years, Teresa realized that she was pregnant. At first she couldn’t believe, and then, when there was no doubt, this news caused incredible delight both in her and her husband.

Delight lasted up to five months of pregnancy, while the doctor did not insist on amniocentesis - a puncture of the fetal bladder and the taking of okloplodny waters.

“When the results were ready, the doctor was not in the city, the nurse called me and said in a joyful voice:“ And your child has Down syndrome. ”

This I later realized that for the Americans such news is also, of course, not good news, but also not a tragedy. For me, a former Soviet man, it was the end of the world.

Then the doctor returned, suggested abortion. She warned that if Teresa decides to leave the child, her life will change, and not for the better. This decision may also affect the relationship with her husband. Not imposing their point of view, just informed. When Teresa said that she would leave the child, the doctor did not return to this issue.

- I refused, because for me an abortion is unacceptable. The rejection was since childhood, when my mother and her friends spoke loudly how many abortions they had. Such a strange "heroism" of Soviet women ... This is my child, sent to me, as a gift. I begged him so much with God, and what did I have to say to Him: “You sent me a bad gift, I return it to You?”. No, I was ready for anything to make my child happy.

Thousand dollars and two trucks of things from colleagues

Teresa remembers those remaining four months before the birth of a child like a heavy dream, with endless tears and despair. Husband insisted on abortion. Yes, now he has another family (he appeared when his son was nine), children, but he loves Gregory and is ready to come at the first call. And then he said that millions of women have abortions and nothing terrible will happen. At that time, Teresa did not know anything about Down syndrome, well, except for horror stories from childhood, when the “Down” was an insulting curse.

- After giving birth, I received great support from outsiders. Everyone was going to meet me - they gave me a huge vacation at work, the doctor allowed me to spend more than two weeks in the hospital, although usually they don’t keep there for more than three days. Colleagues, friends visited daily. They collected me a thousand dollars, plus they helped with things: the second year of my life in America was going on, I had nothing, I just started working. Sister has prepared a dowry for the baby. All this gave me strength!

Teresa said that at first Gregory was embarrassed, and if she went outside, he would put his head on his shoulder so that he would not show it to anyone.

Photo pravmir.ru

And she could even admit this to herself only now, after so many years. But the constraint passed fairly quickly: it was worth going out several times to understand that no one was reacting to the kid in a negative sense. On the contrary, people on the street, in the store, come up to say with admiration: “What a pretty one! Can I hold it? ”

When Gregory was eight months old, Teresa's mother came to the States and immediately fell in love with her grandson. He had a syndrome or not - it didn’t matter to her grandmother. She constantly wore Gregory in her arms and claimed that he was just a wonderful, incredible child.

“After the birth of a“ special child, ”information about him immediately goes to different instances,” Teresa says. - Children here are not handed over to the state, they grow up in families. Your child will immediately receive free medical insurance. In addition, it takes care of the Regional Center - a charitable organization that helps develop young children up to 3 years, and then controls how they live. That is, even if I die, the son will not be left unattended. Information is transmitted to the University of California at Berkeley. A professor called me from there, and we talked to her for a long time. She told about the syndrome: “You should not blame yourself, because it is still unknown why children with Down syndrome are born. The age of the mother does not play any role here. ”

A specialist began to work with Gregory, to learn to adapt in life, then a physical therapist who worked with low muscle tone, then a speech therapist. And Teresa herself was actively engaged with her son, taught to distinguish colors, shapes, letters ...

- When, at the age of three, the son went to a specialized garden, he already knew the alphabet, numbers, geometric shapes, and about 25 flowers. He did not say, but when I asked: “Give me a green pencil, give me a circle or show such a figure,” he showed. I did not want to sit in a wheelchair with my back to me and had to plant my son so that he could see me constantly. I once read that children with Down syndrome do not recognize either their own or others. But Gregory completely refutes this by his attachment to me!

Black belt taekwondo

- When my son was nine years old, I decided to slow down in earning money and began to work so much that I had enough to eat and pay for housing, and the rest of the time I worked with Gregory.

Teresa recorded Gregory in taekwando, swimming, guitar and drawing class. Plus additional, in addition to school, classes with a speech therapist.

On taekwondo, Gregori went off without even knowing how to jump - he was an awkward child, and the only “special” in the group.

Classes in the first group were not very effective, but three years ago Gregory went to another group, where he was also the only “special”.

Photo pravmir.ru

“Let's do this: literally one month, I will work with Gregory individually, and then I will tell you whether to leave him here,” explained coach Teresa. Just a few days later, he said that Gregory listens and performs everything the same way as other children. In June of this year, Gregory received a black belt.

“After they did all the necessary exercises, the most important master of taekwondo in Los Angeles stood up and said that Gregory was impressed with him, he was delighted. “We are proud of you, boy. You're just great, "- from these his words to his son, I burst into tears. And then Master Park, coach Gregory, approached me: “Thank you very much. I am very proud that I am his teacher. ” This was Gregory's recognition as an equal.

Alone in town

Teresa is trying to do so that Gregory could cope in this life without her, teaches independence. Gregory walks alone in the city. Step by step, his mother taught him how to cross the street, how to stop at traffic lights, and took with her to the self-service laundry.

“Now he can safely take the laundry basket, walk to the self-service laundry, sort the dark and light linen, load the cars and pay. He can make himself a breakfast, warm up the food. I taught him to go to the store alone. I give the list, the money, and he goes, and he finds everything he needs to buy around the huge supermarket. At school, he now goes to all classes on his own.

On my birthday, while I was in the shower, he went to the store and brought me magnificent roses!

And my friend comes to him, with whom Gregory studies the Bible. I thought that the Bible would be necessary for a son just so that he could distinguish between good and bad, right and wrong, righteous and unrighteous, knew that you could not join bad groups, listen to bad people.

There are no psycho-neurological boarding schools in America. According to Teresa, people with disabilities live in special communal communities from where they can go to work. But Teresa wants her son to live in a big world.

- I would very much like Gregory to have an independent life. So he went to work, so he had his own home. I now stood in line for public housing for him - a one-room apartment. According to the local concepts, one room is one bedroom, and the kitchen and the living room are attached to it.

Now he has his own room, and in her order and cleanliness. I say to my son: “You don’t have to be rich, but you can show people with cleanliness and order that you are self-sufficient, that everything is all right with you”.

Gregory corresponds with half the world. Recently, I open my eyes at three o'clock in the morning, and he sits and chats with his contemporaries - a girl from Kazakhstan, in English, of course.

Pupil of the most ordinary school

Now Gregory is studying in the most ordinary school. And now - even in the most ordinary class.

- In schools, there are usually two specialized classes. In one, children who have problems are not very strong, in the other - children with serious problems, a tutor is assigned to each student. Gregory began to study in the class where children have not very strong problems. At that time I didn’t know many things, because I didn’t know the language at the proper level. I had no idea about inclusion. The fact that at least an hour or two the child could spend in the most ordinary class, so he sat in the "special", where he was taught various simple everyday things.

In the ordinary class, Gregory began to walk in the ninth grade. In the "special" - spends only an hour a week. Teresa hopes that later her son will go to college, and for not so much money, how much is usually worth studying.

Photo pravmir.ru

From school, Gregory is returning on a school bus.

I do not remember such a case that one of the parents said: "We do not want Gregory to be with our children!"

Moreover, we have an eight-apartment building and a small courtyard. There are going to kids of different ages, and they constantly resort: "Can Greg come to the street to play with us?". They come to our house, I arrange musical evenings. I turn on the music, everyone dances, sings, shouts. Their parents say to me: “How do you tolerate all this?”. I explain that I have worked with my children all my life, and now I need to have Gregory to have some kind of communication. I believe that children with Down syndrome do not need constant communication with their own kind. They are drawn to normotypical people, they learn a lot from them.

By the way, he has now even been diagnosed with “intellectual disability” - intellectual disability. Probably, the term “mental retardation” is more understandable for Russia, but in the USA it cannot be used.

Speaking about Down syndrome, about some research, recommendations of specialists, Teresa hardly selects words. After all, for the first time she encountered all this in America and heard it right in English.

- Every year a meeting is held at the school about Gregory - the principal, deputy director, school psychologist, nurse, speech therapist and all the teachers who work with his son. A program for the whole year is being discussed: what they will study with Gregory, what tasks they set for themselves and for him. Listen to what I want. Gregory writes his thoughts well in order to understand this; it is enough to read his essay. But with colloquial speech he has big problems, and the school only told me a year ago that they do not have the necessary specialist. I will deal with this issue with the help of a lawyer.

Even Theresa does not like that in the classes in high school for "special children" they are taught to go to catering establishments and buy fast food. After all, at home she tells him that it is impossible to eat there, you need to prepare healthy food for yourself.

Theresa had a lot of questions for high school:

- When Gregory just went to the ninth grade, I was shocked. “Special” children were given some kind of terrible room, where they had previously dumped all unnecessary things. We immediately signed up for a visit to the school director, called the head of the local education department there, and expressed everything we think about it. Just a couple of months, they were transferred to a new class - perfect, with parquet floors, well equipped. They changed their teachers, because when I saw the homework that my child, who had already studied the fractions, brought, I was shocked: it was necessary to paint a picture on a piece of paper.

I wish he was normotypical for himself

Theresa wants Gregory to go to college and get some profession that is feasible for him. And then, as already mentioned, became completely independent.

- I do not want him to clean the toilets at McDonalds, wipe the tables or lay out something on the shelves in the store. He is quite capable of being an assistant teacher in classes for special children, he loves to help and follow some routine rules.

Since I plan to leave him public housing, he will pay no more 200 dollars for him. With all that the state will constantly give him benefits from 850 to 1000 dollars per month. So he can absolutely live comfortably for the remaining money, because in America the biggest spending is housing, it doesn't matter whether you buy it or rent it.

Plus, it is important for me to give him a job, so that he feels necessary, so that he goes to work every morning and returns home in the evening. I want him to continue to go on taekwondo, already in his adult life.

I will teach him to drive a tricycle with a basket to make it easier to go shopping. And even if something happens to me, there will be a coordinator from the Regional Charity Center with him.

Teresa talks about how they overcame the adolescent crisis with Gregory, how she taught from childhood that you can't hurt girls, how to share your feelings and joy. And through everything maternal pride shines through. Like any loving and accepting mother, Teresa is sure: Gregory is the best in the world.

Sometimes I think: would I like him to be like everyone else? No, I did not want to. I speak absolutely honestly. He is good as he is.

He has so much kindness, love for all, attention. When friends come to me, I don't need to set the table. Gregory says: "Mom, you talk." I looked, he already drags goodies on the coffee table, pours tea. He cares for the guests: "Try this, try something." If small children come and play with his toys, and he sees that they like the toys, then he gives them away, he does not mind.

The only thing I would like him to be normotypical for himself is that it would be easier for him to live after me. But, since he is what he is, I will do everything possible so that he is ready for this life. This is my only task.

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