How gay couples adopt children in the USA: successes and problems

Gay marriages in the United States legalized in 2015 year, but many couples still have difficulty adopting children. How the institution of guardianship is organized for American LGBT people, how the church reacts to it and how the children themselves feel, read in the journalist’s report Rtvi Denis Cheredov.

Фото: Depositphotos

The US Supreme Court defended a Colorado pastry chef who refused to bake a gay wedding cake. The scandal erupted back in 2012, when Jack Phillips said: ready to bake a cake for any other celebration, but refuses to manufacture confectionery for same-sex wedding. Confectioner motivated his decision by religious considerations.

A gay couple appealed to the civil rights commission, and then sued Phillips. Local authorities have ruled that there is a case of discrimination and violation of Colorado law. Phillips filed a lawsuit in the Supreme Court. And the highest authority defended his right to his own opinion. True, she immediately clarified: this particular case cannot be considered a precedent.

And yet, this is a victory for religious conservatives. Human rights activists fear that it may happen that today the confectioner Phillips refuses the gay couple, and tomorrow - the Muslim, for example, or the Jew.

The LGBT court in America sees the verdict as a slap. As well as the decisions of the authorities of several states. There they allowed the adoption agencies to identify suitable parents depending on their (owners of the agencies) religious beliefs. That is, a private organization in a predominantly conservative state is more likely to prefer to send a child to a family where there is a mother and a father.

Mark and Jeff met in New York 14 years ago. In the 2015 year, as soon as gay marriage was legalized in the United States, the wedding was played. And a year ago he appeared in their family - a boy named Kochi. The baby was already used to the guests. Together with the fathers conducts a tour of the house - here Kochi has breakfast, and here he sleeps - at night the child can cry, so his bed is adjacent to the parent. Speaking only learns, Mark and Jeff are looking forward to, when Kochi will say the main word - "Dad"!

About adopting a child first thought Jeff, found a private agency. The couple signed a contract - and it began! The conclusion of the psychologist, income confirmation, recommendations from relatives, friends, neighbors. A separate topic is social service checks.

“A social worker came and gave us a real interrogation. It lasted six hours! We were asked provocative, difficult questions. We found out how confident we were in our decision. What values ​​do you want to instill in your child? How do you want to raise your child? How do you want to raise him? And I think those are the things that people don't think about when they're giving birth themselves. They just think: “Shouldn’t I have a baby?” With us everything is different, of course. So it’s a very powerful experience and very rewarding,” said father Michael Price.

Social workers come to the boy and now - but less and less. It is clear that the child is safe.

Фото: Depositphotos

It's been eight months since Kochi became part of this family. They are still getting used to each other, but Mark and Jeff were ready for the difficulties. Adoption of the child, says the father of the boy Kochi, the most important decision in their lives.

“When I went to meet him for the first time, I understood, of course, that it would be very emotional! I thought I was going to cry. I wanted to restrain myself somehow, but the tears flowed on their own, and I thought: “Oh my gosh, this is so incredible!”,” said the father, Jeff Rodriguez.

Kochi has a clear daily routine. After lunch - walk.

On the playground, this family is well known. Happy parents of the same sex in Manhattan - the usual thing. But before adopting a child, gay couples have to go through all the circles of hell - like heterosexual. A law in New York State prohibits bias against potential parents — their gender is not taken into account when considering a request. On average, the whole process takes one and a half years.

According to the Life Long Adoptions organization, more than 115 thousand adopted children live in American LGBT families today. In New York, you can adopt a child for free through a non-profit organization. In a paid agency, the cost of services on average will cost $35 thousand.

There are no children's homes in the USA. There are so-called Foster homes - patronage families. That is, families where children grow under the care of guardians until they reach adulthood. There are still so-called Group homes, where children with disabilities live.

In each house - no more than six pupils. The medical staff is constantly with them. Both programs are funded by the state, and it seems that all this sounds quite good - the system works. But no one in the world has yet come up with a substitute for a real family.

Anthony Darin's parents refused when he was three. So he got into a temporary foster family. But in five years, found a house in California. At that time, in this liberal state, homosexuals and lesbians were already allowed to adopt children.

“I remember when the social worker came to tell me that I was being adopted by two fathers, I was so excited. I thought, God, what happiness! And the fact that I would have two dads didn’t bother me at all. Who cares?! The main thing is family!” says Anthony Darin.

As a teenager, Anthony realized that he was different from his peers. It turned out that the adopted son of a gay couple turned out to be gay. The defenders of the traditional family will say that this is proof of the harmful influence! Director of the Institute Ruth in Louisiana, Jennifer Morse, a philosopher known in America as a fighter for the institution of marriage, in his classical sense, refers to his research and assures that the traditional family is better.

“Over the last 40 years, there has been a lot of research showing that a home with a married mother and father is the best environment for children. This is better than a single mother or father, better than divorced parents. In my opinion, there is no reason to suggest that gay couples can be normal parents,” says Jennifer Morse, director of the Institute Ruth in louisiana.

Morse research is contrary to the position of most scientists. Proved: sexual orientation is what a person receives at birth. Another example - in this sense - does not matter. And if a child in a homosexual family turns out to be gay, then this is pure coincidence.

“My dads didn’t do anything to influence it, they just let me be myself!” recalls Anthony Darin.

But the myths are filled with American land. Psychologist Andrei Rusetsky says that stereotypes about sex minorities are in most cases connected with ignorance.

“If you take all the studies that are out there today, you won't see a single study that says that these concerns are justified and that there is even any fact statistically, with validity and with reliability, that we can say, that this is dangerous for the child,” said Andrei Rusetsky, a psychologist.

In May, the Senate and the Oklahoma governor approved a law that allows adoption agencies to deny gays and lesbians, based solely on religious beliefs.

Фото: Depositphotos

Similar acts were adopted in 8 states - for example, in Kansas and Michigan. All this is the famous Bible Belt of the USA, where conservative views dominate and uphold traditional family values. It turns out that a gay couple in some city of Tulsa can be deployed only because the church does not recognize non-traditional marriages. LGBT activists accused the authorities of discrimination and appealed. But for now - nothing.

And again New York. Brooklyn - non-profit organization employees conduct training with future parents - gays and lesbians. After two-month courses, each of them will receive a license about psychological preparation. Services are free. Interestingly, it helps with the adoption of adolescents - according to statistics, younger children quickly find their parents. But with teenagers, who due to objective circumstances are not doing well with character and behavior, few people want to mess around. Today in New York, according to the agency, more than 9 thousands of teenagers live in patronage families and are waiting for their parents.

Lesbian agency director Mary Kiin adopted 14 children. According to her, with the arrival of the administration of Donald Trump, the organization has become less likely to receive federal grants - now the agency is increasingly cooperating with the city mayor’s office.

“I really wanted to stop at 12 children. But it turned out that there were already 14 of them. They were all of different ages, now they are from 20 to 47 years old. I always wanted to have many children, so I recently bought a big house. I knew about children who are in temporary families, including children with special needs. And I said to myself - I have to do something, I can’t ignore this! ”, recalls Mary Keene, director of the adoption agency.

According to Mary, children who have gone through nursing homes often complain of harsh conditions and lack of attention. Therefore the system Foster homes need to reform. In the meantime, at a minimum, do not limit the rights of those who are ready for adoption and of great responsibility.

West Village is one of the most famous gay areas in New York - here at one time the first riots for the rights of homosexuals took place and it was here in 1992 that the monument appeared - the personification of free relations. Here, for example, two men in love or here - the girls hold hands. And who knows, it is quite possible that new figures will appear in this square. Rather, even figurines. There is almost no doubt that many will support such an idea in liberal New York.

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