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Ibeans and Amazons: How Online Stores Make Us Their Slaves

On the Amazon site you can spend a lifetime to death and never stumble upon the same product. Infinite guts of the Amazon go somewhere in the Paris sewers of the time of Victor Hugo, the catacombs of Odessa, the Egyptian pyramids. First, you are looking for a backpack, and they immediately offer you a bunch of all kinds of accompanying shnyagi: sleeping bags, tents, thermoses and stoves for dry fuels, as well as beautiful Swiss knives - and that’s all gone, as it fell into a pool.

Фото: Depositphotos

You raise your head - fathers sveta, the day is towards the end! As if in winter you leave the cinema: it was there, it was a sunny day, from there you climb out - night, the ice ripples of a tram, a pharmacy street bed.

And many live there: they write reviews all day, post personal photos of goods, shoot videos.

In the technical support service there are thousands of topics, where there is a whole huge world, because you can leave comments to the reviews, but this never ended in anything good.

Plumbing site owners, listen carefully: do you need traffic over silicone sealant and brass plugs? Give the option to comment - and it's in the bag! First, plumbers will start to shit there, and then the rest will catch up with the sounds of the battle, and it will boil. Obviously, the Amazon is not a YouTube psychedelic battle beyond morality, but quite a local battle. Although, if you think about it, we are talking only about the advantages or disadvantages of a pressure cooker.

Amazon strangled all. Neither the movie will be soon, nor the theater, as the naive fool Rudolph naively fool Alentova, one amazon, frightened in the movie. Thirty-three years later, this is more real than ever. Around Kindles, speaking and showing. Kindle with a bow, Kindle sideways and with a jump. I am offered to join the American embezzlers club and pay for content. Alas, I for this is not enough D'Artagnan.

I hope for your understanding. 99 cents per song in MP3, or 11,88 for a whole album? Thank you, I will probably steal.

But American penguin friends shy away from torrents. I once suggested to my friend Sam to download software for him under the Wacom tablet, so that the children would develop artistic abilities. The tablet itself, of course, is not yet possible to download, but saving a hundred dollars on Corel Painter is fine.

Do you know how a horse looks at a stranger stretching an apple? So Sam looked at me - mistrustingly mowing his eyes and moving his nostrils. And it was tempting to him, and scary at the same time, and still refused.

Americans are generally paranoid. I haven’t noticed a tail with me yet, and in general, we’ve been brought up like that - you don’t overfill everyone, and this song is sung by the youth.

Paradoxical retailer Amazon is surprisingly optimistic and does not hide it. It seems that with the existing analysis tools one could understand that if the most expensive person’s purchase in five years was a camera, then it’s stupid to offer him a platinum watch? But the faith of Americans in my financial resources is inexhaustible.

Фото: Depositphotos

For example, I have been offered the Zenit tourbillon for eighty-six mowers, with a discount of fifty-three thousand two hundred dollars from the original price of one hundred forty. It is necessary to take, probably the owner of "Tesla" Ilon Musk thinks, and I slightly turn my head, thinking - who are they? To me?

Or what do they know about me, about which I myself do not know? Maybe the proposal of the Nigerian lawyer Sese Seko was true, and I again squander everything?

Reviews of such products are full of sarcastic remarks. Someone writes: “A good thing for beer and karaoke with girls, just don’t even think of spilling booze on the strap, it stinks like a skunk caught in a radiator,” someone said, “For this money I’ll rather buy two homeless people and teach them to talk„ tick "and" so "take turns", and the third reports that he decided to save and buy instead a house in the village and pay his son for college. Fireworks wit.

There is still, of course, Ibey, but there everybody is really every man for himself, Ibei are real favels of online trading. What only shit you will not find on Ibei. On Amazon, at least reviews can be read to find the ground under your feet, and then just watch yourself. And the photos are muddy, and some Chinese sellers.

But there you can buy a used Ferrari. And all that is required is to deposit one hundred dollars to confirm the seriousness of the intentions. Tell me, is it worth a hundred dollars?

The opportunity to feel like the owner of a Ferrari for a week? “I bought myself here on occasion”, - you speak casually to the girl in the bar, and you show the picture on the tablet - “I’m flying on Wednesday to pick up in Miami”. Why? If you can Joey Tribbiani, you can generally anyone.

I don’t know why, but Amazon always sends everything in dimensionless boxes. You order, let's say, a boxing shell, you know, such a plastic caravan, and a hefty durynda comes to you with this flying spermatozoon on board, and, of course, you think: “Well, guys, you are flattering,” . You take a paper knife, cut it, and the box inside is full of plastic filler — air bubbles similar to a tapeworm. And in the corner lies your shell, like an orphan.

I imagine it this way: a tired worker of the Amazon warehouse at the very end of the shift on Friday receives my order, grumbles: “Another *** boxer turned out” - and thinks what to pack it into. And in front of him in the dark goes a huge warehouse full of various empty cardboard boxes and there is a futuristic flyer working on badger fat to fly and choose the right size box.

He looks with a dimmed gaze and thinks: “*** to you, not Sharapova”, gets up and pulls out the first one, from the very bottom, and the whole section is about the size of a five-story building because of this falls somewhere in the fourth dimension, but in general no business He throws my purchase into the corner of the box, blisters the remaining space with filler, slaps the address and throws it on the Mississippi-wide ribbon. And he goes to drink beer.

Фото: Depositphotos

Clearly, according to the most faithful laws of Murphy in the world, the goods ordered by a certain date will certainly be late, and the garbage that you bought and forgot will be at the door the very next morning.

Whatever click on the network, everything will be used against you. It is necessary to poke Razik where it is not necessary - and everything, Voronya suburb burned down.

Banners stick up everywhere, and they start to push you. Even friends strive to engage, like real manipulators. “Your friend X liked the movie“ Real Love ”- and now you’re unwittingly looking at your friend with doubt. Because “Real Love” is such a cinema Phil Collins that you can't even look at without nausea, let alone listen. And everything starts to get into your head: but he said that Balzac was a good writer, and you were drunk and did not attach importance, and this explains a lot ... So they deprive us of friends, and soon they will take up their parents?

Nevertheless, I recently read that our generation of consumers already produces a certain atrophy of peripheral vision in all that concerns advertising tap-ins. For Zuckerberg, this is bad news: now, in my spare time, I still like to run Facebook and write that this particular advertisement seems to be depraved, and please forbid it forever. And soon I will stop noticing her at all, and what will they live there for? Although, in truth, it makes me a little wiggle.

Online shopping should have restrictions like driving a car. First of all, it is necessary to prohibit drunk purchases and supply computers with expiratory analyzers.

To make a purchase, you will need to blow into a tube: “The level of alcohol in your blood exceeds the allowable limit in 0,8 ppm. Transaction is not possible. Accept our apologies". Or, “This is your third attempt at shopping in a state of intoxication.” We are forced to deprive you of the right to access purchases on Amazon for a month. ” Because looking at what I bought with booze is simply dangerous: my head is splitting so much that I don’t want to live, and you were delivered to the X-Box. And you don't even have a TV, and Ibuprofen is needed.

Invisible Malstrom consumption draws me down to its depths. The first time I moved to another apartment, having made only two trips to the Mazda-3, and I successfully dragged everything, but now, after three years, it’s so easy for me not to get off. You know, I acquired the lordly habit of embedding photos in frames.

So I decided to sell everything and live in simplicity, like Francis of Assisi. I will preach to birds and bugs, I will grow a beard. Wait, what about us, batteries at a discount, in a package of five hundred? Well, well ...

The original is published by the author in the journal. Knife.media

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