Personal experience: American woman followed her deported fiancé to his homeland and regretted it

A US citizen moved to Mexico to be with her Mexican fiancé, who was expelled from the country and given a multi-year ban on entering the US. But their marriage soon fell apart. The publication explains why this couple's family life didn't work out Business Insider.

Photo: Steve Vanhorn | Dreamstime.com

"I followed my fiancé overseas after he was deported," Sydney Chapman began her story about her failed marriage. "A few years later, after the divorce, I can admit that I made a mistake.

The deportation of my fiancé and the multi-year ban on entry into the United States that followed completely ruined our wedding plans.

At one point, the wedding planned in my hometown, and more importantly, the life we ​​had imagined for ourselves, became impossible. I was faced with the question: should I follow my chosen one to Mexico?

My parents persuaded me to wait until he sorted out his immigration issues himself. We dated for less than a year. I was 20 years old, and this was my first romantic relationship.
For me, the decision seemed simple: if I had already promised to spend my whole life with this person, shouldn’t I support him?

On the subject: Family Immigration Cases: What to Do in Case of Divorce or If the Main Applicant Changes His Mind

So we started planning our wedding in Mexico.

I realized pretty quickly that I had made a mistake, but I was too stubborn to admit it.
Wedding planning became an increasingly contentious topic. I eventually decided to focus on finishing my freshman year of college, but allowed the groom and his mother to let me know that I was ready to take charge of the wedding planning.
I arrived in Tabasco, Mexico, a few weeks before the wedding. I had a hard time adjusting to the thick humidity, the local Spanish dialect, and the groom's in-laws.

The constant feeling that I was making a mistake kept me awake at night. I often wanted to call a taxi to the airport and fly home.

Unfortunately, I was too young and too eager to please to admit my feelings to myself or anyone else. Instead, I convinced myself that it was too late to change my mind.
I was already in Mexico. The invitations were sent. The place was booked. I did what I had to do: I got married.

I split my time between the US and Mexico while finishing college.
In the following years, I never lived in one place for more than a few months. I spent almost all my holidays in Mexico.

I quickly fell in love with the country and the people, learned to cook local dishes, traveled to Mayan pyramids and swam with whale sharks off the Yucatan Peninsula. I learned the lyrics to too many Selena Gomez songs and danced to banda music.

The time in the US was less pleasant. My husband and I had decided that we intended to live there together, but the uncertainty of the green card application meant that we could only plan for a few months ahead. My life felt like it was on hold indefinitely.

As I grew older, it became increasingly clear to me that my husband and I were not right for each other.

The idea of ​​divorce has crossed my mind more than once.

Each time, I reasoned that such a radical decision was selfish, especially when we were unable to live together in the same country for more than a few months at a time. Eventually, a session with a therapist made me realize that I was staying in the marriage not because I wanted to, but because I was worried about how divorce would affect the lives of those around me.

Choosing myself was difficult but liberating.

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We divorced several years ago.

I have since gotten a North Star tattoo on my wrist. It reminds me to trust my own feelings and not let others dictate how I should live my life. I am open to moving abroad again. But if I do, I will choose what feels right to me, not what others want from me."

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