Have soup and don’t laugh in public: 15 features of life in Russia that hit the American

Jack Milston is an American writer who, for the first time in his life, came to Russia with his Russian wife and son to meet new relatives and their homeland. Zvezdec publishes excerpts from a letter that Jack sent home to a friend about his adventures in the country of herring, serious men and the difficult transport situation ...

Photo: Shutterstock

1. Moscow does not believe in tears

I knew in advance that Moscow does not believe in tears. Now I can add that Moscow, no doubt, also does not believe in laughter or smiles. If you are a lover of a piercing chuckle or somehow publicly express your joy - it is much better to go somewhere in Latin America. Here, people are not joking with each other on the street. Want to catch a sizzling look on yourself? Just walk down the street, speak English, and then laugh out loud.

2. “High” level of culture

Spitting on the street seems to be a national hobby of certain categories of men. It looks almost like baseball, with a few exceptions - they don’t throw the ball, hit the bats and catch it and do not run across the field. It seems that only the Tajiks, who in Russia play the role of Mexicans, do not spit on the asphalt.

“Of course, they have to clean it all up,” the wife remarks.

Over the course of my trip, I experienced the same feelings several times. As soon as it seemed to me that I was surrounded by terrible, rude and disregarding people, someone unexpectedly did something exceptionally kind and caring for our family - for example, holding the door. And I immediately felt embarrassed for my thoughts.

3. Opening

I quickly realized that smiling at unfamiliar Russian men is the shortest way to get in person. Later, I learned that this initial closure was not at all stiff or rude, but a preventive measure that preserves the precious soulfulness that exists within each of us. For Russians, kindness and sympathy are too valuable qualities that they do not want to waste on any doubtful strangers. It is inconceivable for them to distribute this value to the right and to the left, to everyone they meet.

4. Lovers stare

Amazing for me here was the number of parks and benches. You can’t walk 100 meters without stumbling into some shady public garden with a fountain or a playground. And benches - benches! - before that I had never been to places where they like to just sit idle, stare around and think about life.

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5. Cottage

The beauty of wildlife in such a proximity to the city is hard to overestimate. It looks like the hilly plains of West Virginia, and it smells twice as sweet. Wild flowers along the road, a bright blue sky, and the only sounds around are birds and barking dogs.

6. Soup - the whole head!

If somewhere there is paradise, the cottage is very similar to it. The only thing in paradise, most likely, for lunch they give something other than soup. Russians take soup very seriously at lunchtime. During our trip, I had lunch with almost all possible soup options - borsch, soup with olives and sausages, okroshka, mushroom soup, soup with barley and pickles ... Name any! Every day I went to dinner, knowing that there would be soup. I had to get used to this sooner or later.

7. Another misconception

“The neighbors invite you to a traditional tea party with a samovar,” I heard one fine day.

I don’t really like the company of strangers. Therefore, I was quite understandably not happy about this news, which means that I will have to portray the American fool all evening among people whom I did not know and with whom I had not only a common language, but also recently acquired family ties.

It only proves how stupid I am sometimes. Needless to say, tea drinking with a samovar turned out to be one of the most memorable days in a long time, and neighbors in the country were the most pleasant people that I just met in Russia.

8. The code word "tea party"

When the tea was ready, we all sat down at the table, and suddenly it turned out that under the code name "tea drinking" in Russia there was an event called "Drink an American to a half-charged state before sunset." Could I have expected better ...

9. Russian bath

After tea drinking I was escorted to the bathhouse, saying that I could come to sit in a hot room and whip myself with leaves when I wanted. Oke-ee-ee.

10. Roads

Traffic in Moscow is just awful. Bumper to bumper, stink of diesel, smoking cigarettes tormenting traffic. Here, six lanes are combined into two, there the guy on the Harley is trying to squeeze between the rows, a traffic light that doesn’t switch, probably for about 30 minutes, collects a standing traffic jam a kilometer long. Homeless begging at crossroads, women with photographs of dying children, veterans without legs.

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11. The shops

Auchan is the worst place on earth. Why?

A 70-year-old woman pushed me with her cart to get closer to the fish counter. No "sorry" for you. Not a word at all. Someone's cart in your way? Just push her away. Why? Yes, because to hell with this cart, that's why. Is someone waiting for you to step back to get through? I don’t give a damn, I got up here first, they’ll wait.

12. Handshakes

Russian men are the undisputed winners in the world championship in handshakes. I traveled a lot around the world and shook more than one hundred hands. Russia is the country of the most significant handshakes. Strong, serious, they contain the perfect 50/50 mix of “you can count on me” and “don't think to mess with me”.

13. Women

To be honest, it seems to me that the number of beautiful girls relative to the total population in Russia is greatly exaggerated. They are found here about as often as in any other country. However, the top 5% of beautiful Russian women are much more beautiful than the top 5% in the whole world. I was convinced of this, having been in Moscow. I could not help but notice that beautiful girls, it seems, have an extremely high opinion of themselves here.

Do you know why else Russian girls are beautiful? Because on the first date you can talk about Chekhov, and they will wonder why it seemed to you that this was not the right topic for talking on a date.

14. Food

Of course, I tried to try as much as possible of all Russian. Mostly I came across healthy, tasty and amazing food. There were, however, extremely disgusting options. I even made a list!

Favorite:

• everything that grew up with my mother-in-law in the country (especially white raspberries, which I had never seen before in my life);
• Borjomi and Tarkhun (although they are not very Russian ...);
• homemade dumplings;
• anything with pickles;
• Cranberries in sugar (I LOVE!);
• communist chips (crisps);
• earwax dildo with walnuts (churchkhela);
• Russian ice cream;
• well, and where without soups ... Okroshka (unexpectedly!), soup with olives and a hot dog (meat hodgepodge) and barley (pickle).

Unloved:

• blood candy medicine (hematogen);
• cold fish salad (fish under the marinade);
• glutamate in everything;
• Lay's Crab Chips;
• tea instead of coffee in the morning;
• and of course she ... herring! I tried herring three times, because "God loves the trinity," and the Russians know how to convince. All three times she invariably turned out to be terrible rubbish. What is this all about? Salted fish covered with snot? ..

15. Will I be back?

I came here to meet new family members and get acquainted with Russia. Well, the place! I actually - and this is true, not American marketing - did not want to leave here. This place is so complicated and confusing, sometimes funny (hi to a 11 year old boy in a Canadian Gigolo T-shirt) that I could stay and write more and more about him. There are many reasons for pride in their culture. But there is still so much that I don’t know, and even more that I don’t understand and, most likely, I will never understand.

I will definitely return to Russia, this place has hooked me. My family and my new Russian friends, so sincere and open, made Russia a truly outstanding place for me. I had never felt such a welcome guest in such a strange place where I had never been before. Although, almost each of them, asking how I was here, looked incredulously at me when I said that I really like it here. I don’t have enough words to thank them for everything that they have done for me.

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