'Extreme' adaptation: how to deal with the shocks in emigration
Immigration is stressful for almost all new arrivals in a new country - no matter how prepared you are for such a move. Even temporary difficulties and setbacks are often perceived abroad much harder than at home.
Unexpected troubles, lack of close friends and family walls, new unknown rules of the game, unfamiliar mentality, uncertain status - all this can cause stress even for the most confident person. As for the serious upheavals, hard blows of fate and real psycho-injuries, they are able to “unsettle” even in the usual “home” conditions. In emigration, especially at its initial stage, such an experience can become fatal and cause such a rejection from the host country that a person can finally be disappointed in his decision to emigrate. The result may be a traumatic break with the "new homeland", a collapse of hopes and even, in the most extreme case, a broken life.
Of course, no one is safe from shocks and major troubles in emigration, but since not everyone really has serious problems, it is much more difficult to find support in a foreign country. I will try to offer some advice based on both the experience of immigrants and some basic postulates of psychology and expert advice.
Fool the subconscious
One of the most common mistakes that people make under the influence of trauma or under stress is an attempt to rush to extremes, that is, either completely go on about your feelings, or completely ignore them. In fact, it is equally harmful to completely succumb to pain and hatred, and to try to “live contrary” by clenching your teeth and crossing out everything that you feel. Own feelings need to be recognized, they should not be afraid to express, another thing is that it is important to choose a safe way to express these feelings.
The secret of any experience is that it is impossible to deal with them rationally. Of course, you can convince yourself not to perform any actions (not to return home, not to cross out the efforts of several years, not to break the law, and so on), but your irrational desire to commit these actions will continue. This is similar to how it is impossible to rationally convince a child who is desperately wanting something to suddenly stop wanting it, because "it is so necessary." That is why it is important to fulfill the desired in the least destructive form for you.
For example, if after the experienced trials you feel a sharply negative attitude towards the host country, it is important that there are people nearby who can adequately understand your attitude, and in a conversation with whom you can openly say everything you feel. It is important to remember that, based on American corporate culture, you better not trust your work colleagues. A negative attitude towards something can be regarded by them as a dangerous disloyalty or habit of blaming others, and, even worse, a co-worker may consider it his duty to convey to you the leadership that is often practiced in American companies.
Trusting strangers on social networks is also not the best solution. It is there that you can get the most harsh and offensive reviews, accusations of disseminating "propaganda" and unsolicited teachings that only contribute to reinforcing the negative. It is best to trust people who will understand and support you, regardless of their views. In this case, it is only important to remember that your condition is temporary, and it does not require getting stuck in "internal immigration" and permanent hatred of the host country. However, creating an emotional “outlet” for yourself is sometimes necessary.
If you want to return home, it may make sense to limit yourself to a short trip at first, and if there is no way to make it, indulge in bright nostalgia instead of stubbornly chasing away memories of your homeland. The trick is that the subconscious, thinking in images, cannot be deceived by logical reasoning, but it is quite possible to “outwit”, giving it the possibility of the most authentic imitation of actions. It is following this logic that people who want, but are not able to hit someone, go to the gym and hit sports equipment. In fact, almost any feeling can be expressed as sincerely as possible, but without violating the law and without harming yourself and others - it is important to simply allow yourself to feel and show a little imagination.
The main difference between the shocks in immigration and the severe stresses that await us in our homeland is that they can give rise to a negative attitude towards the host country as a whole. However, if you feel that you cannot or deep down do not want to go back, just expressing your feelings in order to cope with this condition will not be enough. On the contrary, the constant experience of these feelings can lead to internal conflict: on the one hand, you are determined to emigrate and settle in your chosen country, but on the other, it is in it that you now see the source of all your sufferings.
An appropriate way to harmonize this complex gamut of feelings can be an attempt to slightly change the angle of perception, while not abandoning either the original plans or the acquired negative experience. The emigration trap is that it often makes us think in terms of “countries”, while in ordinary life we do not always reach such a high level of generalization. But if you start to perceive the world a little differently, it may well turn out that your original goals and new experiences can coexist quite well with each other.
On the subject: How a child adapts to the American school
For example, you can often remind yourself that in any country there are a variety of people, and the most acute separation is most often not based on national, but on some other social grounds. Best of all here are attempts to “fragment” your life, that is, to separate each of its areas from others, without perceiving the new country as a whole. After all, this is exactly how you once lived in your homeland, starting to explore the world from your home yard, the school where you studied, and the city where your childhood passed.
Therefore, if, for example, you live in the USA, try to make friends or at least friends among Americans in various spheres of life: not only at work, but also in leisure, in social activity, or in some kind of interest club, which does not require close relationships. Then you will already know in practice that Americans are different, and a pleasant experience communicating with them is as much a part of your stay in the country as a negative one. In addition, the advantages of emigration are not limited to a brilliant career or external success. Some people find in a new country a sense of security, freedom of expression, and sometimes just the opportunity to live in a better climate and enjoy nature, and these benefits should not be discounted.
Trying to fragment your life and perceive its every sphere and relationship with each person separately, outside the categories of this or that country, will help not to transfer negative feelings from one part of your life to another. Maybe this approach will not make you a convinced patriot of a new homeland, but it will bring you closer to eternal universal values and remind you that all people are, first of all, people worthy of love, and the “country” is, for the most part, an abstraction .
And of course, you need to give yourself time and let your emotions settle down in order to finally understand what exactly you were looking for in emigration, and whether you can find it by returning home.
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