What Ukrainian wives teach American husbands

Фото: Depositphotos

As it turned out, Ukrainian women teach their American husbands to save, slippers and vegetables. And they give us credit and dental floss..

Any happy marriage (or at least “functional”, as they say here) is a compromise, a lapping to the character and habits of each other, building common principles and approaches. This is not easy to achieve, even if the future husband and wife grow up in the same yard. And if the spouses from different countries? What habits and values ​​of Ukrainian wives do American husbands adopt, and what, on the contrary, do our women adopt?

After interviewing 10 Ukrainian immigrant women married to Americans, I was surprised to find that their experiences in this regard were extremely similar. I should immediately note that this is a non-representative sample - all women, like me, are 30-45 years old, and they have been living in the USA for at least 7 years. Probably not everything that is characteristic of them is characteristic of women who have recently come to the United States. But these women, as it turned out, have the following in common: they teach their husbands to save money, slippers and vegetables. And their husbands go to loans and dental floss.

Since I promised not to disclose names - questions of a rather intimate nature - I will present you the experience of a fictional character with average characteristics of survey participants. Her name is Maria, she is 38 years old, she has a higher education, two children and a husband whom we call Jeff. All examples are from real life.

Jeff experienced the first culture shock when Maria cut her washed old T-shirts into pieces and declared them dishcloths. Next was the rinsing of cans with the remnants of jam with boiling water, which was poured into tea for sweetening, squeezing tubes of toothpaste to the “I can't” and saving glass containers from under salted cucumbers just in case.

Maria gradually refused these habits, but did not cease to be horrified that for Jeff there was nothing reprehensible to throw out, for example, a flashlight just because he was lying idle. And if needed, he justified, you can buy a new one.

Masha's teenage injury from an experienced total deficit turned into purchases of endless bags. But in all other acquisitions she reigned very rational and even spartan approach.

She did not get tired of repeating: "The fact that we can afford it is not a sufficient reason to buy it."

Even if the wife who came from Ukraine does not work, such a marriage sometimes turns out to be a very profitable business for an American husband.

Especially money is saved on food. How can you throw out bread, if you can dry out fine crackers from it? And bake pancakes from sour milk? To avoid family conflicts, Jeff quietly cleaned the refrigerator. If an ordinary American family throws about 30% of all the food they buy, then in mixed families, according to my observations, this figure is much lower.

Фото: Depositphotos

Over time, Jeff was used to eating chicken for three days in a row with different side dishes, carrying the rest of yesterday’s dinner to the office as lunch and going to the restaurant exclusively on Fridays or Saturdays. Going to a restaurant, Maria convinced him, should be a holiday. In addition, she said: no matter what healthy meals she chose, all the same the next morning became almost a kilo heavier.

And Masha's ability to wash with hands (all the delicate things in the United States are dry-cleaned), and darn and alter buttons seemed to Jeff just exceptional skills.

And if at the initial stage of Maria's relations, sometimes she was ashamed of her meagerness, then with the beginning of the 2008 crisis, this feeling disappeared - thrift in the United States became fashionable.

At one time, parties were used for exchanging used clothes in women's magazines and now they are offering to make floor cleaning and kitchenware from vinegar, and on TV they make programs about real people who make coins in public places or collect fiber with dust. in self-service laundries for kindling fireplaces.

Compared to the neophyte economy, the Maria family has demonstrated a healthy, mature approach to this issue. Jeff was already proud that among all his relatives and friends only he had no credit card debts.

Masha won in the "sexual" issue. She could abandon many principles, but the dirt on clean floors to deliver? After a brief struggle, her husband agreed to take off his shoes in the hallway, and for her mother-in-law, they specifically bought slippers.

Gradually, Jeff stopped wearing jeans at home, and switched to home clothes - again, to save (home pants are much cheaper) and not to bring dirt from the street into the house.

Jeff's eating habits have changed. No, he did not become a big fan of Ukrainian-Soviet cuisine: although he liked borscht and cabbage rolls, aspic and herring under a fur coat remained as exotic for him as the larvae or dry grasshoppers. Jeff started eating a lot more vegetables.

At first, he ate them only in boiled form, then switched to raw ones, and in the third year of living together he began to demand salads. With soup, too, everything went wrong. At first, Jeff only poured broth and ate meat, then gave a chance to vegetables, except for beets, which he gently laid out around the edges of the plate, and at some point he was finally ready for the holistic consumption of the Ukrainian cuisine.

Among Maria’s acquaintances, Oksana from Odessa went especially far in the vegetable direction. She set up a vegetable garden right under the windows of her apartment building in the suburbs of Washington. Her husband, Ken, had little faith that she would be able to get permission - there are vegetable gardens in cities in the US, but in specially designated areas or in private yards, not spontaneous beds under the house. Strangely enough, the owner of the house agreed to this adventure, and the young family began to grow cucumbers, tomatoes, parsley and other vegetables.

Ken was so imbued with horticulture that after work, before going up to the apartment, he ran to check the beds, took over most of the responsibilities for the garden and told him that he almost cried when the chipmunk destroyed their first crop of tomatoes.

With all the evolution that American husbands are going through in marriages with Ukrainian women, it would be a mistake to assume that their wives are not learning anything from them. Just the opposite. All the acquaintances and friends I interviewed gave examples in three areas - in the field of communication, lending and dentistry.

Her husband became a valuable adviser to Maria in her relations with her American colleagues. First of all, he taught her how to sell herself correctly, namely, to make a competent idea of ​​her value as a professional, based on market conditions, and not to agree out of gratitude to the first offer that came across. Jeff weaned Masha from negativity and, especially, from the distribution of negative evaluations to colleagues, as well as from strong feelings about public opinion.

Masha also outdid herself and her fears about loans. The first time they bought a car on credit, she burst into tears: such a large amount, what if we don’t give it away? And after a few years, she was already pressing on Jeff to buy a house, since housing lending rates had dropped to a historically low level.

Fully adopted by Mary from her husband and the rules of care for their teeth. Upon arrival in the USA, Masha brushed her teeth in the morning and considered this to be sufficient. Now, under the influence of her husband, she brushes her teeth twice a day with toothpaste, after which she cleans the plaque between her teeth with dental floss and rinses with fluoride. After the first course of treatment, which the family flew into the cost of a used car, Jeff began to record Masha every six months for cleaning and inspection. After a childhood trauma of a collision with the Soviet dentistry, it was difficult for Maria to imagine that you could come to the dentist voluntarily - this is how to make an appointment at the Gestapo.

Фото: Depositphotos

Americans pay great attention to their teeth, because curing a small hole in the United States is ten times cheaper than putting a crown with cleaning the dental canal. Maria passed through the course of teeth whitening - again under the pressure of her husband. She learned from her dentist that she has many patients who already have 40 and do not have any fillings! And visitors from the countries of the former Soviet Union can be immediately recognized by their “fluffy” teeth - massive plaque.

It is possible that all of the above is the experience mainly of the generation that was formed in the Soviet Union. And not only those who moved to the USA can benefit from loans and take proper care of their teeth. Just as it is not necessary that only marriage with Ukrainian women forces Americans to handle things rationally, to take care of the planet and their wallet.

At the same time, this small survey of couples, all of whom live in happy marriages, showed that the ability to adopt the habits and views of another is one of the components of the reasons for his success.

Original columns published on the site Ukrainian service "Voices of America". Reprinted with the permission of the author and the publication.

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